Is it worth waiting for him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Is it worth waiting for him?
33
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 8:28am

I'm sure many of you may have remembered an issue that I had with a guy about a month and a half ago: We had been dating a couple months, but I wasn't sure where I stood at that point in time with him, (i.e. not just being a "convenience" to him) so I happened to ask him. He had replied back saying he wasn't "pushing" for a relationship, and wanted to make sure the girl he was dating was right for him, he wasn't seeing anyone else, and just wanted to take things "slow" with me. From the responses I got from you all, you had all mentioned that he had every right to take his time, as we had only been dating a couple months.

Another month and a half has passed, and I am even more confused than I was before because we do everything a boyfriend/girlfriend do in a relationship. He calls me at least once every single day, we hang out about 4-5 times a week, he takes me out, compliments me, etc.

Last night I happpened to ask him again where I stand or what he considers me because when I go out with my girlfriends, I do happen to have guys approach me and I am confused on what to say to them. In fact, this past weekend, I had actually given my number to a guy. He called, I didn't answer. I actually told the guy I am seeing that I do have guys approach me and I have been asked for my number, just to see what his reaction would be. I figured, if he didn't care, then it was obvious we weren't going anywhere in our "relationship". The guy I'm dating replied back stating that I should be telling guys that I am "dating" someone, and I would like to continue dating him. My response to him? "What is considered dating?" He added that he only wants to be seeing me, and only me, but just wasn't ready yet to put a label on us. I had asked why and he had mentioned how the last two serious relationships that he had had, the girls turned out to be not the same woman he had started dating, I guess. So, I think he does have issues with past relationships, which I can understand.

The only thing I am wondering is if we're just "dating" and I am technically single how am I supposed to tell guys that I'm seeing someone else? He had mentioned to me, in addition, that he has girls that come up to him when he goes out with his friends but he "ignore them" because he "only wants to be with me" which is a direct quote from him. I told him I understood, but it was still unfair to me saying I shouldn't be seeing other guys if we aren't really "offically" together.

This all happened last night, so when I was at his place I went to bed a little frustrated and confused. This morning when I was leaving his place, I just said "bye" and was about to leave. He got sad, and said, "Come here" and proceeded to give me a kiss on the cheek and a hug. He said, "I like you so much, but just please don't rush me on having me call you my girlfriend." I mentioned again to him that I was just confused. He replied back saying, "I didn't say I didn't want more, I just want to take my time. It seems like it is working out between us but I just need more time."

Soo...I have a guy that I was interested in when I met him on Friday, but I feel that if I call him, or meet up with him for dinner I'm basically cheating on this guy that I'm "dating" because he had said that he didn't want to see anyone else and I shouldn't be either.

My question? How long do I wait for this guy to say that we're "exclusive"? He's not seeing anyone else, I haven't been either, yet he wants to take his time.

FYI: We have been dating about 3 and a half months.

Any advice or input is greatly appreciated! I really do like this guy a lot, but I'm just confused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 7:48pm
I feel he is manipulating her by playing games with this "label" that they both have a hangup about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 7:49pm
Just do what ya want & do NOT pressute him but don't just sit around waiting for him either...IF he wants to continue "playing games" just don't let him get away with it...Guys tend to think they are EVERYTHING anyone could want & more often than not...THEY'RE WRONG!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 1:39pm
I think you are correct. It seems to be the same response I have been getting from my friends as well, in regards to us basically being exclusive. It's obvious that he doesn't want to see anybody else at the moment, and I don't either. I guess I'll just have to go with the flow and see what comes of it. The only question now is how long I have to wait for him to consider me his actual "girlfriend".
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 1:51pm

I'm curious--what benefit would having the title give you that you don't have now?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 2:02pm

That is true. I guess it wouldn't really make a difference compared to where we are now. I guess it's just kind of frustrating about the fact that he refuses to use that title on me right now. It almost makes me feel like I'm not "good" enough to be called his girlfriend, yet we're exclusive.

Although it is funny, because the other weekend when I happened to be over at his place and he had some of his friends over, I heard one of his friends refer to me as his "girlfriend" and he didn't object to it, so it's like he didn't mind his friend referring to me as being the "gf".

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 2:08pm

Hmm. That way of thinking strikes me as creating unnecessary drama.

He's *told* you why he wants to wait and aside from my opinion that he's being a bit silly about attaching so much significance to the word "girlfriend", his thought process is exactly right. You don't know each other well enough at just 3 months into it to be serious but you're exclusive and getting to know each other better--that's what you're SUPPOSED to do at this stage of dating, regardless of what titles you attach. It takes a good 4-6 months of dating at a *minimum* to even begin to have an idea of whether you might be compatible for the long run.

So why make up reasons and create drama?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 2:54pm
You're right, maybe I am making too big of a deal about it. I think girls (or maybe just me) have a need to feel like they are actually exclusive with someone, and that title of "gf" seems to be the final piece to the puzzle for me, but I think I should just go with it for now, until he is ready.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 4:23pm

So, are you saying you don't believe you're "actually exclusive" unless he calls you his girlfriend, even though he's flat out TOLD you that you are exclusive?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 5:04pm
Unfortunately, yes. I still believe that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 6:50pm
I dont' know what happened but I post a reply to your post and it was here this morning and now it got deleted, so I have to post again. I feel that he is being just as manipulative by not calling her is girlfriend because he knows it is something she wants.