Is it worth waiting for him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Is it worth waiting for him?
33
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 8:28am

I'm sure many of you may have remembered an issue that I had with a guy about a month and a half ago: We had been dating a couple months, but I wasn't sure where I stood at that point in time with him, (i.e. not just being a "convenience" to him) so I happened to ask him. He had replied back saying he wasn't "pushing" for a relationship, and wanted to make sure the girl he was dating was right for him, he wasn't seeing anyone else, and just wanted to take things "slow" with me. From the responses I got from you all, you had all mentioned that he had every right to take his time, as we had only been dating a couple months.

Another month and a half has passed, and I am even more confused than I was before because we do everything a boyfriend/girlfriend do in a relationship. He calls me at least once every single day, we hang out about 4-5 times a week, he takes me out, compliments me, etc.

Last night I happpened to ask him again where I stand or what he considers me because when I go out with my girlfriends, I do happen to have guys approach me and I am confused on what to say to them. In fact, this past weekend, I had actually given my number to a guy. He called, I didn't answer. I actually told the guy I am seeing that I do have guys approach me and I have been asked for my number, just to see what his reaction would be. I figured, if he didn't care, then it was obvious we weren't going anywhere in our "relationship". The guy I'm dating replied back stating that I should be telling guys that I am "dating" someone, and I would like to continue dating him. My response to him? "What is considered dating?" He added that he only wants to be seeing me, and only me, but just wasn't ready yet to put a label on us. I had asked why and he had mentioned how the last two serious relationships that he had had, the girls turned out to be not the same woman he had started dating, I guess. So, I think he does have issues with past relationships, which I can understand.

The only thing I am wondering is if we're just "dating" and I am technically single how am I supposed to tell guys that I'm seeing someone else? He had mentioned to me, in addition, that he has girls that come up to him when he goes out with his friends but he "ignore them" because he "only wants to be with me" which is a direct quote from him. I told him I understood, but it was still unfair to me saying I shouldn't be seeing other guys if we aren't really "offically" together.

This all happened last night, so when I was at his place I went to bed a little frustrated and confused. This morning when I was leaving his place, I just said "bye" and was about to leave. He got sad, and said, "Come here" and proceeded to give me a kiss on the cheek and a hug. He said, "I like you so much, but just please don't rush me on having me call you my girlfriend." I mentioned again to him that I was just confused. He replied back saying, "I didn't say I didn't want more, I just want to take my time. It seems like it is working out between us but I just need more time."

Soo...I have a guy that I was interested in when I met him on Friday, but I feel that if I call him, or meet up with him for dinner I'm basically cheating on this guy that I'm "dating" because he had said that he didn't want to see anyone else and I shouldn't be either.

My question? How long do I wait for this guy to say that we're "exclusive"? He's not seeing anyone else, I haven't been either, yet he wants to take his time.

FYI: We have been dating about 3 and a half months.

Any advice or input is greatly appreciated! I really do like this guy a lot, but I'm just confused.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 2:50am

I'm with Sheri... my boyfriend had a problem saying the word but all his actions (and our discussions) told me that he only wanted to date me. Since you've had the conversation, go with that. Trust his words and his actions.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 4:02pm

So you're really and truly saying that even though he told you he is dating you and only you, and that he wants you to date him and only him, (which, by the way, is what "exclusive" means), that you don't feel you're exclusive because he won't call you his girlfriend?
That is absolutely amazing to me. You are going to lose the man you're dating over a silly WORD.
***If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there. Lewis Carroll (1832-1898)***
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 7:18pm

It is true that a label does not really define a relationship. However, it may show your guy's level of commitment and how long it will take before he takes the relationship to the next level. I say this from experience. I was exclusively dating this guy, but it took him a year to call me his gf (although we were exclusive and spending a considerable amount of time together where I would stay on weekends at his place and we were vacationing together) it took him two years to tell me that he loved me and five years later we were not even engaged. Needless to say, I ended the relationship and told him that whatever trauma he had because of past relationships and bad experiences was something that he had to deal on his own, but I was not going to stick around anymore.

My advice: if to you is important to be called gf, set a dateline in your mind. How long are you willing to wait before you decide to give up? If you decide to wait do not mention the topic ever again. This is something that should come out from him and not from you. If he doesn't call you his gf by your dateline then move on. I waited too long in my relationship and this is certainly something that I do not recommend.

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