It's been 2 years.............??????
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 05-02-2004 - 10:31pm |
My boyfriend is 29 years old and I am 27 years old. We live an hour away from each other but still manage to see each other 3-4 times a week. I have 3 children from a past marriage and he has never been married and doesn't have any children.
I have been talking to my boyfriend this weekend about moving in together. He straight out told me that he is not ready. He said that he loves me and that I do everything the way he wants but he is just not ready. I asked him if he EVER wanted to get married and he said he does and he does see me in his life years from now so the made me feel better.
My question is: Do men take longer to make this kind of commitment? If he is not ready than I can understand that as long as I know that it WILL happen than I will wait for him to be ready. I am just asking to move in together, I am not asking him to marry me now. He told me that it has nothing to do with the kids and I hope that thats the truth.
What is the normal for couples to date before moving in together? I don't want to push him.

Pages
Let's put it this way, if I was dating someone for a few years and then she asked me to move in, my first thoughts would be what a huge committment that was. That wouldn't mean that I'm not serious about my girlfriend or that I didn't see a future with her, I would just be thinking (and unfortunately selfishly) about what I'm going to give up. Now you may say, well I would still allow him to have his freedom, etc., but how can he be sure. Additionally, he may be thinking about all the responsbility of living with 3 children. Don't underestimate that.
If he is treating you well and is respecting you, I would not bring it up again. Continue to treat him well and show him that you respect his freedom. If he is really serious about you, he will suggest moving in at some point. If you have a time limit on things (i.e. you want to get married in 3 years, etc.) then bring this up to him slowly.
Just give him some more time. He knows where you stand on this issue. Don't bug him about it.
I am still willing to hear more from other members..........
p.s. I do believe that he is not ready to give up his privacy(not that he is hiding anything) I just know that he likes to take his shirt off when I'm not there and I always ask him why he feels he can't do that around me but he just says that he likes to do it when I'm not around.
Men, I just can't figure them out sometimes!!!!!!
Just relax on it.
if i were you i would discuss marriage with him and not focus on living together.
good luck!
honey
Ouch... Ivdarian, I
Start
Just because my boyfriend is not ready now doesn't mean that he'll never be ready. I was looking for advice on how long relationships usually last before moving in together or turn into marriage.
Yes, I was married once before but if I would of lived with him first I can tell you that I would't of married him!!!!!!!! I am saving myself from another divorce, thank you!
I would never want a forced marriage or moving in together. I want this to be a mutual thing.
But thank you Jajalel for not ripping me apart! This place is suppose to be for advice. I didn't think that I asked a bad question.
Hi
Yes, men do often need a while to make such a commitment. Also - he's not just taking you on, but 3 kids
does he act commited to you in every other way? Is he a dependable, loving person? It's honorable that he's telling you where he is coming from.
So give him time. But don't table the discussion forever.
"Plenty of couples live together before getting married."
Yeah, and plenty of people smoke dope with their kids. Whats your point?
"Its only your opinion that living together makes them bad role models in front of their children."
Yes. Its my opinion, based on being the parent of three teenagers and watching the crap many of their friends are put through living with their single moms and revolving-door men.
"However, this is also YOUR life we are talking about."
Wrong. The lives of her children take precendence. ALWAYS.
Pages