It's been 2 years.............??????

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
It's been 2 years.............??????
24
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 10:31pm
Hello, I need alittle advice. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and things are awesome. Given we have our usually couple fights (not too often) and work our our problems out together.

My boyfriend is 29 years old and I am 27 years old. We live an hour away from each other but still manage to see each other 3-4 times a week. I have 3 children from a past marriage and he has never been married and doesn't have any children.

I have been talking to my boyfriend this weekend about moving in together. He straight out told me that he is not ready. He said that he loves me and that I do everything the way he wants but he is just not ready. I asked him if he EVER wanted to get married and he said he does and he does see me in his life years from now so the made me feel better.

My question is: Do men take longer to make this kind of commitment? If he is not ready than I can understand that as long as I know that it WILL happen than I will wait for him to be ready. I am just asking to move in together, I am not asking him to marry me now. He told me that it has nothing to do with the kids and I hope that thats the truth.

What is the normal for couples to date before moving in together? I don't want to push him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 3:59pm
First, read post 11.

Your attitude is pretty astonishing.

"My relationship with my boyfriend does not have anything to do with what kind of *role model* I am to my children."

Were you serious when you wrote that? Our children watch EVERYTHING we do and learn from it. They observe intently and silently how we handle all that life throws at us. If you move in with this guy without the sacrament of marriage, what do you think you will be teaching them? That mom has no patience or forebearance. That her desire for a "family life" has overridden all of her logic and good sense. That she is willing to risk our emotional well-being on the chance that it will work out. After all her happiness is the most important thing right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 6:12pm

You know what... you certainly are entitled to YOUR opinion and I would never try to change your mind.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 9:29pm
Seriously Ivdarian, you must have some issues of your own!!!!! You twisted my words and you MADE YOUR OWN OPINIONS!!!!!!!! When I wrote that my relationship doesn't show what kind of *role model* I am to my children, YOU FORGOT to put in the rest of my words in your post!!!!! I said that my children see me in a HAPPY, HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP!!!! Yeah, did you forget that part?

I'm sorry but you have really pisst me off!!!!!! I asked an honest question and you have have turn that into your own little crazy story!!!!!!

When did I ONCE IN MY POST EVER SAY THAT I WAS LONELY!!!!???????? Yes, answer that??? You are putting a whole bunch of judgments on me and you are doing this by making up all of these crazy stories!!!!

I am not lonely, I am happy with what I have. There is absolutly nothing wrong with wanting to further a relationship with my boyfriend.

At this point if you have nothing nice to say than don't say it at all!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 9:37pm
Jajalel, thank you.

I want to say that I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years!!! There is no other man in my life but him.

Please forgive me for my post to Ivdarian, but she has taken my post far beyond what I was asking AND she has come up with all these crazy stories that just aren't true!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 10:08pm
Your right. I do have issues. I have issues with the "modern, hip" woman who thinks that just because she loves a guy her kids have to be dragged into her lovelife too. I have issues with women who will do anything to please a man, forgetting that THEY are the ones who should do the selecting. I have issues with women who move in with a man and then proceed to audition for the role of wife, deperately hoping he will want her.

If you want to further a relationship with your boyfriend, as you put it, then continue to date him. But don't uproot your children and try to play house and pretend that you are a family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 10:11pm
I will not continue this cat and mouse game with you. I am ending my conversation with you and I will be the adult here and keep my opinions to myself!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 10:19pm
I compared this situation to smoking dope with one's children because, as with shacking up, a lot of people do it, but its still wrong and it damages children. Just because a lot of people do something doesn't make it OK.

If you haven't noticed, I'm what is known as a "warrior mom." That is, I'm an older broad who is an advocate for children. Perhaps I've seen too much in my life. One thing I have had my fill of is seeing children damaged and jerked around by unstable, emotionally weak adults. In my opinion, we as mothers have sacred duty to offer our children the OPTIMAL life situation, not just one that is good enough. If that means delaying our own gratification for their sake, so be it. If that means that navy waits until her children are grown before she moves in with her guy, so be it.

Flame away. I can take it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 10:22pm
I understand completely. You are unable to defend the risks to your children and to their opinion of marriage, so you withdraw from the discussion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 10:27pm
No, I am done playing your games!!!!!


Edited 5/3/2004 10:59 pm ET ET by navy170
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 10:34pm
I have already defended my children!!! I have nothing further to say to you.