It's better when he tells you?
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| Tue, 08-03-2004 - 8:34am |
There are all type of guys in this department, there are those who very soon tell you they are looking for a relationship (not with me, but that can be a possibility), the ones that don't tell this, but talk about relationships in general, and those who didn't say anything at all, like this one.
I've dated all type of guys, but this one scares me, because last time I dated a guy who doesn't talked about this issues, I ended involving with him, and then when I talk about us, and what he wants, I understood he didn't talk about it because he just want to have fun, and was not worry at all of what I want.
So, should I wait some more dates and when I see a possible involvement between us, talk about it, or should I wait for him to talk about it?
What is more reliable, a man, who says what he wants (can be a liar, of course), or a man who just stays shurt up about it? Can I trust him without him talking?

Pianoguy is gonna play "devil's advocate" with you...okay?
Which type of man makes YOU more comfortable? The one who makes his intentions 100% clear at the beginning of a relationship? Or the one who is spontaneous and keeps you guessing?
From our vantage point...we're not going to say EVERYTHING a woman wants to hear simply because...MEN AREN'T MADE THAT WAY! From your vantage point...YOU WOULD PROBABLY PREFER SOME FEEDBACK?
Go the distance with "Mr. On-Line" for 3 more dates...and then, if his intentions aren't clear...bring up the "where is our relationship going" question! Just be prepared for a positive or negative response.
Best wishes and warm thoughts from...
Pianoguy
I know most men don't say what they want, and as Enrique Iglesias says in his music "Don't turn out the lights":
"I don't have to tell you
What this is all about
'Cause baby half the fun
Is in us figuring it all out"
I also think this way, I think things happen more naturally if you don't have the pression of an early talk about what both want. It's just it scares me a little, because I'm not a mood to play around, I really want to find a decent guy, fall in love, have a relationship. I'm not in a FWB, ONS, so to speak, and I don't want to spend time with a man, starting liking him a lot and then discover that we're not in the same "channel", you know. That I'm looking for a relationship and he just wants to play.
He can also not became never my boyfriend, and stay just a good friend, but that's about compatibilities between two persons, not because different goals.
I just think that I'll wait some more dates and ask him in a subtle way, what he's looking for. I guess I don't want to get involved and get hurt again, the experience I had now and previous mistakes with men makes me more aware and take care of myself. Thanks.
I don't think this has anything to do with "trust", it's just a matter of getting the information you need to figure out whether it makes sense to continue seeing him. If you aren't on the same page with what you want out of a relationship, then what's the point?
Sheri
He never asked me about past relations, he even didn't asked me if I have a boyfriend at the present, or if I'm married or divorced, nothing!! As also he never said anyting about him. concerning past relations. But he did also in a conversation made allusion of sex between us (totally out of context), he just said he used imagination and tooked things that way (???)
Well, maybe that was a clue!!! He's not interesting in a relationship, so he don't give a dawn about if I have a boyfriend, or I'm married, or divorced...
It's curious he talked sex between us before even talk about relationships... hummmm....
Sheri