I've Had It

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2005
I've Had It
3
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 10:32am

With guys and trying to date them. A lot of this is stemming from that guy that didnt call me back, met him Satruday, talked to him for a loong time that evening, he got my # and he never called. I'll add that he did that thing where he took my phone, called his phone, then said, now i have your number and you have mine too. So maybe by him saying that he was leaving it open for me to call him as well. Whatever I'm just so tired of trying to read what people are thinking. Why does it have to be so difficult? He initiated conversation that night, he initiated the number exchange, IMO he should be the one to call.

I'm feeling like something is wrong with me because this has happened before. Anytime I'm interested in a guy, they are either not interested in me or they just want to be physical with me. I'm not looking for that. Then the guys that do want me for more than physical, I'm just not interested in them. It's so funny when i look back at this year. Any guy that i was like, oh i hope, i hope he calls, he either didnt call, or when he did call he was only interested in hooking up. Then the guys that i could have cared less if they called (in some cases i didnt want them to call) they'd call and ask me on a date...I actually broke down in tears last night. It's just upsetting, I really wanted this guy to call...I'm not looking for a husband (although i just turned 27 last week so it's getting on to that time) I would like a bf. I havent had a serious bf in a year. Am i the only one who is experiencing this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: molly311
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 4:40pm

I have a few questions for you that might lead you to understand what might be the problem.

1) Where are you meeting these men and under what circumstances?

2) Exactly what in the conversation led him to ask for your number?

3) Was the prospect of a date, like dinner and a movie, ever discussed while you spoke to these men?

4) Why were they supposed to call you? To chat? To discuss some common interest?

5) Exactly how long after you provided your number to them did you end the conversation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
In reply to: molly311
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 11:39pm
I recommend you read the book "why men love B's" by Sherry Argov. I just read it and it definately opened my eyes! You could be giving off the wrong signals. If you are too nice, you become a doormat to a lot of guys (I'm not saying EVERY guy, so you guys on this board, don't get the wrong idea). It is human nature to want a challenge. Let's say the situation was switched around. Say a guy was smitten by you and you could tell that he REALLY likes you. You would probably say "he's cute but...." Well that is what this guy may be saying about you. You may have not called him yet, but you still gave off the "I like you" vibe. Anyway, this book give lots of tips about the little things we do that could sabotage our relationships. I found a lot of my faults in there!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
In reply to: molly311
Fri, 08-05-2005 - 2:03pm

hey..
no, u r not at all alone in what u r feeling.
i have had the same irony of liking a guy and not seeing him respond and not really being into a guy, and being pursued! it's really ironical how that works. and perhaps is as simple as that, that i might be giving off that "oh gosh i like u so much already" vibe too soon and that might be turning them off becoz they want to go slow? i sure don't recommend not being true to your feelings about a guy, but i think it does help to withdraw a little and have ur own life going on even when u feel excited about a guy and want to make him the center of ur life. i think it helps to not make rules about who calls and who doesn't. atleast, i don't tend to make rules like that. i just like to be natural, but at the same time, try to know where to draw the line.

if a guy got my number, and showed his interest, and i have his number too, and i feel like talking to him, i dont mind calling him first. but after that, i would want to leave the ball in his court. keeping a balance makes sense.

well, just wanted to say, have patience...u r not alone at all.
goodluck, and dont give up. it's frustrating, but try to enjoy and learn from the process. every situation and person has something to teach us.