Jealous

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
Jealous
3
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 12:37pm
I have been dating this guy for three months. Things are good, could be better, but I think it might be my fault. I am a very jealous person. My last boyfriend cheated on me and now I am bringing those emotions into this relationship. Every girl that he talks to I get jealous of. He is a very sweet guy and wouldn't do anything to hurt me, but I just can't get over the fact that he might. We had talked about this and I said I would work on it, but I don't know how. Any suggestions would help.

Megan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: megsumd
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 12:57pm
Megan...

Nothing kills a relationship FASTER....than transferring the behavior of your last b/f onto the one you're currently dating. Pianoguy wonders if you let the dust settle between men....or if you just jumped into your current relationship immediately?

If you're expecting every man to treat you poorly...you'll probably "get your wish!" Contrary to what a few ivillage ladies might think, men don't respond IDENTICALLY to one another.

So if you have any doubts about our sincerity..."wait a little while" (quoting Kenny Loggins here) before you date any of us!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
In reply to: megsumd
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 5:20pm
If a man is going to cheat on you he's going to cheat on you whether you're jealous or not. You can't control what another person does, only what you do. Take a deep breath and let it go baby. I know how you feel, I've been there. Cheating is about him, not you. If the relationship isn't enough for him then a real man will tell you so and break it off before finding somewhere else to plant his flag. As long as you're holding up your end of the relationship then any transgression on his part is his problem not yours. Relax. Maybe he'll cheat on you, maybe he won't. Jealousy isn't going to keep his pants on, but it will get rid of him altogether. That's the only sure fired guarantee that a man will never cheat -- don't have one. If being alone for the rest of your life isn't appealing then realize that sometimes you just have to trust them. If they break that trust move on. Not every guy is your ex. But you're never going to find a great guy if you keep assuming they are all your ex. If you keep looking for losers, believe me you'll find them.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: megsumd
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 9:08pm
What you need to focus on are his *values*. Is he honest? Does he do what he says and says what he means? Are his words and actions consistent? Observe his behavior over time (three months is just the beginning of when you start to get to know the real person) and you'll find out a lot about his character.

If he shows you over time that he has good character, is honest and open, etc., and you STILL get jealous, then you need to work on your insecurity through counseling.

Sheri