Jealous of his Career

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
Jealous of his Career
3
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 12:09pm
Just recently, a good friend of mine (who I've known since May) and I started dating. Nothing is really serious yet...I'm not even certain if we are exclusive (I'm certainly seeing other people)! However, my question stems from a different concern. He and I work in the same industry which is an absolute godsend. It is wonderful to talk candidly about work with someone who really understands. He has a position within our company for which I applied and was hired, but ultimately was not able to perform the duties due to health reasons. He is not aware of any of this to date. He is currently in training for this position which requires a lot of long hours and committment. I'm so proud of him for taking on this difficult assignment, but I can't help but have some lingering jealousy. I've known about his career path ever since we met in the spring, but the jealousy factor never came into play until just a few weeks ago. I don't sit around and obsess over it...I have a job that I normally love and many options for my future. It's just a little sliver of pain that hits me from time to time. It doesn't help that things in my office have been difficult lately. So I'm wondering, is it wise to proceed with this relationship given the circumstances? We have such a good time together and I would hate to ruin this romance over something that is ultimately not related to our interpersonal dynamic. Thanks for all your responses!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 4:13pm

odancingvao...

Let's start with the fact that the 2 of you AREN'T EXCLUSIVE. If you were...YOU wouldn't be dating others, right? What you and your co-worker have together is a lot of mutual affection and respect---in combination with an understanding of the work that you do.

Unfortunately...your health prevented you from carrying out the job you were originally hired for. So your 'paramour at the office' was given the position instead. And while you might feel his efforts are great...there's still that "I WOULD HAVE DONE IT THIS WAY INSTEAD" philosophy inside your head!

Perhaps it's time to "retrain your brain?"

You COULDN'T handle the job, but a man you really admire CAN! Since he's doing fantastic at it, what's wrong with complimenting him! Don't rehash yesterday's headlines! Move forward instead.

Besides...spilled milk only ends up smelling bad if you don't wipe it off the floor!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 4:24pm

I guess I didn't make myself as clear as I thought. We work in the same industry but not the same office. We don't see one another every day at work so I don't really second guess his decisions...just feel a little blue that I am unable to do the same cool stuff that he is.

Also, I should have mentioned that I get the impression that he is *really* into me. We've had no discussions about exclusivity which is why I don't feel bad about dating others, but he has told his parents and friends about me and books my weekend time way in advance so I don't have a lot of free time to pursue other interests. Plus, when we were at a party last weekend with a mutual friend, the friend asked him "So are you guys 'friends' or what?" My guy said, "No, not so much friends really." I think it is time that I broach the subject of being exclusive with him since he already seems to have it in his head that we are. What do you think?

Thanks again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 4:32pm

odancingvao...

Okay...you don't work in the same office, but my original suggestion still applies..."don't cry over spilled milk!" MOVE ON!

Personally...you might want to reach a mutual understanding about exclusivity. If he wants it...and you don't...HIT THE HOME RUN NOW AND TELL THE MAN! Emphasize the fact that you want to continue your excellent friendship together, but nothing more will develop!

If "exclusivity" is a mutual thing...GREAT! People will know from his HUGE SMILE that you're the 'one and only lady' in his life!

And won't that smile make YOU feel like the most important woman on the planet???

Pianoguy