jealousy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
jealousy
5
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 4:42pm

I have fallen for a male friend. He doesn't have any romantic interest in me at all and has told me so in the past. Lately, we have been hanging out about once a week and he likes my friendship and likes being around me. Just a side note: We started off romantically but he lost the flame for me and have remained friends since. That was almost a year ago. I, however, have always had a romantic interest in him and have not been able to let go even though I have dated other guys.

We went to a party this weekend. He came as my guest. He was meeting some of my friends for the first time. Some of my friends thought we were a couple because I don't normally bring male friends to a party. He was by my side at the beginning of the party because he didn't know anyone. Later, he ended up talking to a girl for two hours towards the end of the party. I got real jealous. I didn't act like a jealous person during the party. I just kept my distance from them and gave him his space to talk to her as a regular friend would do. When we drove home we didn't even talk about his conversation with the girl. I didn't know how to bring it up. I don't even know if they exchanged contact information. Should I bring it up? Should I let him know that I was jealous? Because it is still bugging me. I think he knows that I have romantic feelings for him. We never talk about people we date outside of us, which I think is a little odd for our friendship. I think for a true genuine friendship we should be able to talk about this kind of stuff? Please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: faithhopelove86
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 6:27am

faithhopelove86...

Pianoguy knows (in advance) you'll hate this comment...BUT....you broke the rules of friendship!

The gentleman has made it very clear that YOU ARE ONLY A FRIEND...and there can be nothing more than that between you. Knowing this, you still asked him to be your escort at the party, but there was nothing 'cut in stone' that indicated he had to be by your side the entire evening, right? Apparently, it was understood that you both could 'mingle' with others?

You can certainly bring the 'jealousy issue' up, but I have a hunch that his response is going to be similar to what he has told you in the past:

"I JUST WANT TO BE A GOOD FRIEND...AND NOTHING MORE!"

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
In reply to: faithhopelove86
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 8:04am

I've been in a very similar situation to this in the past except the guy never said "I don't want to date you", I just knew. I can tell you from this expereince, the only way to get over those feelings is to take time and distance yourself from him. I know it seems a bit harsh but it's the only way you can see clearly. It's the only way you can see that there's no point in nurturing those feelings if they aren't reciprocated. Take some time away and if he asks why, just say you've been figuring some things out and spending some time alone. If you've got any girlfriends you can lean on, that helps too.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
In reply to: faithhopelove86
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 1:58pm
Pianoguy...
What are the rules of friendship? I asked him to the party not to be my escort but for him to have some fun and expose him to some people as a friend would do. He had been feeling down. He's somewhat lonely and a homebody. Doesn't have a lot of friends. He's an extremely shy. I knew that we both would mingle on our own but was not prepared for him to talk to someone for the last half of the party. I did not know that I would be this jealous.
I have been trying to be a good friend and nothing more during this time while he has been feeling down and it obviously didn't work since I have this jealousy feeling now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
In reply to: faithhopelove86
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 2:11pm
Thanks lesleylou. That's what I plan to do, putting distance and time between me and him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: faithhopelove86
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 6:26pm

faithhopelove86...

Pianoguy admires your willingness to give "a lonely homebody" an opportunity to spend a night socializing. THE INVITATION WAS A WONDERFUL IDEA.

Unfortunately, you probably expected most of his attention to be 'focused' on you? And in a non-exclusive relationship, this rarely happens!

As I'm sure you already know, group situations are generic social events. So the number of people someone talks to (or flirts with) varies upon an individual's personality.

If you detach yourself from the fact that you REALLY LIKE THIS GUY and can view your relationship as "just a friendship"---you'll probably be able to cope a little better?

Here's hoping?

Pianoguy