just another "bed buddy?"
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 03-04-2007 - 1:22am |
I started seeing this guy from match.com, he winked at me and initiated most of the first getting together plan. He seemed very anxious to me, which made me feel great, yet scared. I wasn't sure if I was all that attracted to him from the pictures I saw and we're into different things. But I met him anyway, I really need to start dating again. We met at the movies and he was actually quite lovely, attractive, very gentlemanly, and I found myself interested. After the movie, he walked me to my car and feelings seemed mutual. He said he'd call me the next day - which he didn't, but he IMed through yahoo. We set another date.
He came over because he was insistent on me watching his favorite movie. I was a little hesitant, but figured since my roommate (a male) was home so if anything strange happened, my roommate would make sure to kick this guy out. But things were going well. Things got a pretty hot and heavy and we ended up in my room. Well, in a nutshell, we didn't do the deed. He couldn't get it up, he tried all night leading to the morning, NUTHIN'. He decided to go home, hugged me, kissed me once more and turned to wave good-bye one last time after he stepped out of my apartment (I took that as a good sign). "I'm never going to see him again." I thought to myself. But I was still interested, regardless of the non-existent you-know. So I called him the next night and invited him to a play, but he already had plans. I IMed him the day after, no answer. I gave up.
Then two days later, he came back! So a week after our second date, with the non-existent you-know-what mishap, we set a date to go to the movies. We ended up coming back to my place and of course, we did it. No problem, once at night and once in the morning - yay me! But when he left at noon the next day, there was no kissing involved, no, "I'll call you later," just a little hug and a good-bye. Have I made myself, yet, another "bed buddy?" Or am I just being paranoid and impatient. I kinda like this guy...

How long has it been since this guy last contacted you? If it has been more than a week you may never hear from him again.
Exactly why are you agreeing to the "come over to my place to hang out" dates? These types of dates can quickly progess to the bedroom even if you didn't have that in mind beforehand. This guy might have thought that all you are interested in was sex, not getting to know him and not proceeding towards a committed relationship.
If he does reappear, get away from your bed and get this thing back on track if you are interested in a relationship.
I called the whole thing off. I messed up and he seemed to have confirmed that sex was all he was looking for.
Ok, cleaning off my hands, shake it out - done!
Thanks for the response.
<< I called the whole thing off. I messed up and he seemed to have confirmed that sex was all he was looking for. >>
And in the future, if you don't want to be "just another bed buddy" ... you're going to hold off on the "bed buddy" activities, right?
Basically, know this: a man's willingness and desire to have sex with you has NOTHING to do with whether or not he wants a relationship with you. And, if what you know about you is that you DO want a relationship with someone, then ... it's up to YOU to not sleep with a guy until you know how he feels about you, what he's after, etc. That also means no "hanging out" dates until you know that.
Your boundaries are yours ... no one can invade those boundaries without your permission. But, that means you have know what your own boundaries are, right? ;-)