Just asking for trouble?
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Just asking for trouble?
| Fri, 12-08-2006 - 12:50pm |
Ok, a brief history. I was married for 10 years when I found out my H had been having an affair for 2 years. Long story short, I tried to work it out, he kept cheating, she got pregnant, now they are living together. That was 3 years ago. I started dating this guy a year and a half ago. He seemed like what I was looking for. We got along great, he always made me laugh and the physical attraction was something I hadn't felt since before I was married. Six months into the relationship I found out I was pregnant with twins. He said he was ok with it and so life went on. He is always going out of town to work back where his family is from. Well, the babies are now 8 weeks old and I found out that he has been dating this girl out there for the past month. When I confronted him he said he would break it off. Well, at first he didn't but apparently now he has. Anyway, the whole time he has been trying to talk his way back into my good graces. Everyone keeps telling me to ditch him. I know I should but he wants to come home and honestly I want him here. I miss him and even though I know its not a healthy relationship I would rather keep him around for the friends with benefits kind of thing. I feel like he is one of my guilty pleasures, ya know? If I know what kind of person he is and don't pretend this is something its not is it wrong to continue to sleep with him? I really don't want to get involved with anyone else right now and I am really sexually attracted to this guy. And we do have kids together now. I am not sure what to do. Any advice?

Can you be sexually involved with him without being emotionally involved? If you can't separate the two, then yes, you're asking for trouble.
And what about sexual health issues? There's no such thing as completely safe sex, since things like herpes can be transmitted even if you use condoms. So if you're not sure he can be trusted to not be seeing other people, you'll be taking a risk.
Sheri
If you can do what you want without getting emotionally attached, then great, go for it, but very few women can.
But don't lie to your friends about it. That's a very lonely place to be. You need to be upfront with them and ask them to respect your choice even if they don't agree with it. And if it turns out they were right and you were wrong, then accept that gracefully.
Sheri
Personally I think that you're trying to use sex to make up for the intimacy that is lacking in the relationship. This man is the father of your children and he has been messing/cheating with another woman. Do you want your children to grow up thinking that this sort of relationship is ok?
Do I think you're using excuses? Yes. I think you're attempting to talk yourself into something that you know will drain you eventually. I don't think you are using him for your own needs. I think you are trying to draw him in hoping that he will realize he should be with you.
It's your life, your choice. No one has a right to judge you for it. But I would really advise you to become very honest with yourself as I don't know if you really are right now...
Keep us posted...
I'm sure you do miss him a lot hon and I know it hurts. Sometimes though going through the pain of letting go now will bring you a lot more happiness in the future. Think about what you're really holding on to. And think about why. Why do you really want a guy who will not treat you like the queen you are? I think you deserve better than that, no?
I know it hurts. And I know it's hard to be alone. But sometimes being alone