Just be nice?
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| Thu, 11-10-2005 - 12:58pm |
Dear Alice,
I was (am?) in a long distance relationship. I went to college with him and after a few years of keeping in touch, he came to visit my city and..we both fell for each other romantically. I did not really know him in college but we were friendly with one another. Throughout our time of dating, things got serious..we visited each other every other month, phoned, and emailed to no end. After a while I began to grow frustrated because he would waiver between being serious and just dating(verbally) but he always acted as though he was so seriously in love with me and I believe he was at the time..I wanted to put a title on what he and I had but I just could not. We loved each other and things were intense at times. He even came to visit me when I moved to the west coast temporarily. We took a trip together and had really great conversations. Towards the end of this past summer, I started to see a change in our relationship. I think it was partly my fault and he even told me that I was pushing him away by always bringing up our relationship in conversations. I mean we spent hours on hours over the phone convo'ing and sometimes arguing about what was going on. He said that b.c of the distance that it would be hard to be "boyfriend and girlfriend" since we did not see each other often. So I just hung on to him because I love him. He was not sleeping with anyone else while and made it clear to me..I never questioned that like I did with past relationships. So he came to visit me about two months ago and I was really having a romantic weekend until I made the mistake of looking at his cell phone. I felt horrible about it but I also felt hurt because I found out that he had met someone and was pursuing her for drinks just a few days before he was to fly up to see me. I told him and he cried and we had a big "young and the restless" moment and then we kind of made up but I felt dissapointed. He said he was so sorry and that he would "make it up to me"..so when he flew home, things gradually changed. Within the days of our intense arguing he told me that he wanted to just take a break and not be so serious and that it was clear from the middle of the relationship that he was having questions about the idea. So we still talk and I have not seen him since that weekend. He is going out with this person and possibly someone else..I guess he is just being casual with girls now. He told me that he is not ready to be serious and that when he is , it will be with me. So now we do the "small talk" on the phone and he still says he loves me and that he misses me. I just start to hear from him less and less..and now the relationship is hanging on through text messages and a short phone call every so often.
My theory is that he is doing the typical guy thing: he met someone else and is not sure so he is hanging on with me a little bit b.c he is not ready to quite phase out completely. I don't know if I should just not speak with him ever and be final about things or just try to be nice and not burn bridges..am I wasting my time..or do people do this and then get back together? Hes in an grad school and all he talks about with me is how busy he is but he goes out all the time and I feel like hes giving me some B.S...obviously he has time to hang out with "friends" and even if he were not really into anyone, I feel he is putting distance between he and I b.c he does not want to be involved with me in that way anymore. So...Im wondering why is he still bothering..its weird to here him say "I love you" now.or "I miss you badly"...I mean its clear he is doing other things and that im not a part of his life like I thought..I feel like he has changed so much...we used to be so close...I don't know if he just does not know how to act with me b.c he still has feelings.....and when we talk its like very cold compared to the mushy convo we used to have...I get texts from him telling me to "have a great night".or "whats up man?" ;(..So its so obvious but I feel like " don't bother"...I could have never guessed him to treat me this way..I have always known him to be so sweet and kind but I guess that only when he is interested in a girl...I also believe that his feeling for me changed when I looked at his phone..there no way im ever dong that again.maybe he feels like he does not know me either now..I was so sweet to him but when I snapped on him and got a little "streetsy" maybe that freaked him out...Im thinking that maybe its in my best interest to leave him alone completely instead of putting my heart through a slow burn..what do you think?
continually being nice
