Just Friends?
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Just Friends?
| Fri, 09-22-2006 - 9:07am |
My boyfriend of 8 months has a female friends that he assures me are "just Friends" the one he became close friends with 6 years ago when his wife left hiim for another man and he was devasted. This friend and he worked together at that time and she was going through a similar situation and they were there to support each other. He did admit that there was a physical attraction there at one time but they never did anything with it. She has had a live in boyfriend for the past 5 yrs and I have met both of them. My boyfriend made a comment that really bothers me and that is that they call each other everyday like when they are driving home in traffic, they are in the same kinds of work and he says they usaully talking about that since they both travel around to some of the same stores for work. I do beleive my guy loves me, he just gave me a ring for my birthday and says he is looking forward to a future with me. I just feel uncomfortable that they have to talk everyday. Most of the time he spends the night at my house and she will call his cell phone as early as 6:00 a.m. but he says she is usaully out driving to or from a job and she wants to talk. He also says she calls him because her boyfriend is in a different line of work and doesn't understand some of the problems she is having so she discusses it with my boyfriend. He talks about us all getting together as frineds and we have a few times and I didn't suspect anything and he keeps rassuring me that she is just a good friend that has been there for him through good and bad times. He doesn't hide the fact that she calls or he talks to her so he is open and honest with me.
Should I trust him? I don't want too loose a good man if it is just my own insecurities, that has happened to me before.
I just have a probem with them talking everyday. What shoudl I do? The other female friend he dated 3 years ago for about 3 months, it didn't work and they decided to to remain friends she calls him about once a week for advice about her dating problems and when I questioned this one he said that they are strictly just friends and that before me she would even fix him up with other people. He he asking too much of me to acccept both of them as friends or should I trust him? When we are out and run into her she always comes up and gives us both a hug and is very friendly to both of us and tells him she really likes me. aslo, he keps telling me that both of these women are so happy that he found someone that makes him happy. What do you think?
Please help because I dwell on this just about everyday!
Should I trust him? I don't want too loose a good man if it is just my own insecurities, that has happened to me before.
I just have a probem with them talking everyday. What shoudl I do? The other female friend he dated 3 years ago for about 3 months, it didn't work and they decided to to remain friends she calls him about once a week for advice about her dating problems and when I questioned this one he said that they are strictly just friends and that before me she would even fix him up with other people. He he asking too much of me to acccept both of them as friends or should I trust him? When we are out and run into her she always comes up and gives us both a hug and is very friendly to both of us and tells him she really likes me. aslo, he keps telling me that both of these women are so happy that he found someone that makes him happy. What do you think?
Please help because I dwell on this just about everyday!

debralee2002...
Pianoguy read your post twice and came up with the same question:
"If your b/f sees a future FOR THE 2 OF YOU TOGETHER...do you think he'll be able to put a few of his 'other female friendships' on the back burner?" Or if he doesn't...will YOU continue to go through life jealous and suspicious of his actions?
FACE IT! If you're insecure about certain aspects of your relationship RIGHT NOW...the ring on your 3rd finger isn't going to eliminate ALL OF THEM!
You might want to consider having a good "honest" chat with him before you (quoting singer, Phil Collins) "GET IN TOO DEEP?"
Pianoguy
I think you have some valid concerns. I am not too worried that this close friend is a female, but that he has somebody in his life that he is calling constantly. Where do you fit in to all of this?
I believer that you should maintain your friends when in a relationship, but your SO, fiance or spouse should take centerstage in the friends catagory at some point. Hourly phone calls to other people should probably be scaled back.
Is there anything you can do about this? Probably not. Your boyfriend doesn't see this as being a problem and he obviously is getting something from this close friendship. So I guess the question is: Can you put up with this?
I'm not sure I would be able to tolerate it, to be honest with you.
Well, as someone who has several close male friends, I can tell you that it IS totally possible to JUST be platonic friends with a man and not be interested in anything more. So you shouldn't assume that he's lying about being friends with these women. Do you not have any close male friends, is that why you doubt him?
As far as him talking to the one friend every day--if the friend were male, would you have a problem with it? If not, then that's something to think about--why do you have a problem with it just because she is female?
I think the more time you spend with his friends, the more comfortable you will feel, eventually. So that's what I would try doing, in your shoes.
But if you can't accept his friendships, you can't. In that case, you'll have to ask him to make a choice. But even if he says yes, he may resent you for forcing him to give up his friends, so think long and hard about whether you REALLY need him to do this before asking him to do so. And of course he may say forget about it, I'm not giving up my friends--personally, I would have a really hard time being with someone who didn't trust me enough to accept my friendships with men. So you need to be prepared for that possibility as well.
Sheri