Just Friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2006
Just Friends?
2
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 11:40am

I have always had a rocky relationship with my current boyfriend of 6 months. We broke up for almost three weeks about two months ago. While we were broken up I hooked up with one of my good friends who I had liked for almost a year. My friend initiated it.

A week after my friend and I had spent time together (We just made out, nothing more) I asked him what it meant to him. He said that he would prefer to stay friends. I was sad that he didn't want more, but happy that at least our friendship didn't end.

This week, my boyfriend has been in NY on business, and I went out with my friend. It was our first time out together since our hook-up. We went with two of his friends to a bowling alley/bar. Two of the guys, including my friend, were drinking. The other guy and myself were not.

Once my friend had had two beers he started to be very friendly with me, laying his head in my lap and putting his arm around me. I also noticed him staring into my eyes frequently.

Now, I know that druken behavior is not to be trusted, but I still really like this guy and I really wonder if he likes me back. My relationship with my current boyfriend has its moments, but I often wonder if there's something better out there. I don't know what my question is here. What should I do? Can I talk to my friend about his feelings? Is it likely that he has any feelings for me?

Thanks for any comments!




Edited 5/6/2006 11:42 am ET by lotrgrl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: lotrgrl
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 12:02pm

*sigh* To be young again... (smile)

I think you need to put an end to the relationship with your "boyfriend." If you're having problems getting along and you're hooking up with someone else, it means you're not right for each other, or you're just not ready to be committed.

In terms of the new guy, if he says he only wants to be friends, believe him. That can also be translated as: "I don't mind hanging out and having sex with you, but that's all I want from you." It doesn't sound like that kind of arrangement is OK with you. If it was, you wouldn't be hurt now. Don't sell yourself short or continue to set yourself up for more disappointment. Choose someone who seems to want the same kind of arrangement you do.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
In reply to: lotrgrl
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 3:32pm
Maybe I am wrong, but it doesn't sound to me like your relationship with your boyfriend is as meaningful as a relationship of six months ought to be. You sound like you are more concerned about the future of your relationship with your friend then you are concerned about the future of your relationship with your boyfriend. After six months of being with somebody, your relationship should have reached the point where it is more meaningful to you than anything you would expect to find from an attractive friend that you've only casually hooked up with. If I'm wrong, and your relationship really does mean more to you than that, then you need to forget about getting together with your friend. But if your relationship with your boyfriend has always been rocky, and you really don't know that it's better than what you'd expect to find with anybody else, then maybe you should break up with him so that you can see what else is out there. At any rate, you need to figure out what you want to do with your boyfriend before you decide what to do about your friend, since your relationship with your boyfriend is the bigger issue at the moment.