Just Friends? Not to me!
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Just Friends? Not to me!
| Sun, 11-14-2004 - 4:32pm |
Ok, so this may be a long post, but please bear with me. In February I broke up with a jerk of a boyfriend that I had been dating for 3 and a half years. We lived together and I decided to be the one to move out. I didn't move out until a few months later because it took me a while to find a place. I did sleep in a separate bedroom ;) I had a slight crush on another man, which sort of helped me break up with my boyfriend. While staying at the house after our breakup, I would still hang out with this other man, and a friendship started forming. I was not sure if he was interested in me because he gave me many mixed signals. Because it was still soon after my break up I decided that he probably just wanted to be friends and it was best for both of us. OK, so I moved out and I am now on my own. Well, a friendship did develop with this other man. We hang out all the time, whether it be to watch tv, or go to the movies or whatever. He has other girlfriends that he hangs out with, but lately they don't seem to be in the picture as much. Over his birthday he got pretty drunk and I was not, he was more touchy feely than usual and more flirty,and made a few questionable comments. So I thought naturally people are more confessional about their feelings when drunk, so I thought maybe he does have romantic feelings for me. I got drunk one night and just asked him, because I felt that when we talked about things he was never clear and sending me mixed signals. He told me he hasn't been with anyone for the last 4 years and just doesn't want to be in a relationship. I told him if he was not attracted to me to tell me, because I want us to be honest with eachother. He told me that was not the case, that he just didn't want a relationship. OK So I decided to turn off my romantic feelings for him and continue on with our friendship. Well lately he has been touchy feely, everyone at work always asks if we are dating, even his family asks if we are dating. It seems like I am the one he hangs out with ALL the time, and he is becoming touchy feely again. I don't know if he picked up on any ties that I may have had with my ex boyfriend or if he doesn't want to be Mr Rebound or what, but I really care for him and I really feel that we are compatible. I don't know how he could think differently. Now I may be an inch or two taller and not his type, but I don't know what his type is because of his mixed messages. I don't want to broach the subject again, because I don't want him to get irritated if I keep bringing it up. Should I just get touchy feely with him to see if he responds? I have no idea what his deal is because he is not acting like a "typical" friend at all and I have no idea why he is not jumping the gun on this one. Could he be scared, unsure, what? Everyone that comes in contact with us thinks he has something for me, but when I have talked to him in the past he has made some excuse as to why he doesn't want to be in a relationship. I honestly feel like I am falling in love with him and I care sooooo much it hurts, but I don't want to screw up our friendship either because that is more important than anything. PLEASE help me, what do you guys think? Is he into me or not? What should I do?

I can empathize with your present situation. I'm also have someone who is presently
just "a friend",but there is alot of signals whenever we're together he sits close,holds hands,hugs,some light kisses on cheek,usually ends night with soft kisses on lips,nothing that intimate. We've seen each other not too often over the passed months in knowing him. This is complicated,met him during my parents untimely illness and recent deaths.He gave me great comfort,compassion,lots of long talks,just a real warm friendship,have many common interests,religiousbackgrounds,value close family ties,etc.P. has taken a new and busy job,working 12 hrs daily,sometimes 6 days a week. Most times we share are thru phonecalls,emails,never seeing him,less than once a week. I have such a strong need to tell him,of my strong feelings and would like more than friendship.Afraid he'll grow more distant,if he's not into me romantically. I can only suggest you subtely become more receptive to his touchiness,without getting carried away.If he's not surprised by your reciprocation,then he may have feelings for you,but afraid of them. Hopefully this will get him to think you're wanting to be closer,not just friends. If he gets distant then perhaps be patient,if timing is right for love it will happene.I truly feel this way about my friend and will be more patient as I've only known him 2 months and now his hectic workweek lessens socialtime for us and his friends. I wish you luck and believe in karma. If 2 people are meant to be lovers and friends foremost, it
will happen. Cheers, Bellina
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