Just "know" when you are ready?
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| Sat, 06-05-2004 - 2:46pm |
When you're dating someone do you just 'know' when you want to be exclusive with them? Is it something instinctive or is it something you have to think about for a specific amount of time to decide? And do you think there's a difference between men and women on this particular subject?
For me, it's a decision, but it's one that comes somewhat naturally with the progression of the relationship. It's kind of a un/sub conscious weighing of the pro's and con's in the situation, determining if there are dealbreakers, determining what I can compromise on, etc.
I just got out of a FWB that went a little wacky...meaning, we functioned far more like we were in a relationship romantically than we did in a FWB. I came to the realization that I wanted more and put that out for discussion. The other person felt he needed to 'think' about this for several days...during that time, I pretty much just figured that if he didn't know after 4 1/2 months of this, then the writing was on the wall and made the decision to end things. He agreed that this was best because he feels that if he gets into the exclusive relationship with me, he'll always be looking over his shoulder wondering if it was the right choice (in his words "looking for something better"), even though (per him) I have all the qualities he wants in a girlfriend/SigO....
I take full accountability for not watching my actions and not sticking to my boundaries. I let them fall and had to make a tough decision because of it, but the decision was made and though I'm sad and disappointed and miss him, I know deep down it was the best decision to make-for me.....as much as I enjoyed our time together, I can't be the placeholder for him and give him all the benefits of a relationship without the obligations & responsibilities of one.
The strange part of this was how upset he was over this ending (in tears) and his constant repetition (to me and our mutual friends) that he doesn't know if this is the right decision and that he has a huge fear that he'll regret it in the near future.
I guess to me, if I had serious doubts about whether I could commit, there certainly wouldn't be any point in trying to convince myself to do so.
Anyway, just thought I'd throw it out there, though I'm sure this question has been 'thrown out' there 100 times before....I just don't remember the answers!
Michelle

I don't know Michelle...Im like you...I think you know or you dont know.