just a little confused...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
just a little confused...
2
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 12:11am
I know that I don't know a lot about guys and I don't want to read things wrong so I just want to get some other opinions on my situation. So, here goes, I met this guy a few months ago in a chance meeting when he was in my town visiting a friend and there was an instant connection. But, just my luck, he left town two days after I met him to go back home. We stayed in touch and it turns out that we had a lot in common, we spoke often over the phone (with a flirty undertone), and we visited each other once which went well. He lives approx. 10 (driving) hours away BUT I, coincidentally, will be moving soon and at that time we will be a reasonable distance apart. He says that he is not ready to make any commitments to anyone and I have heard that really means that he is not ready to make any commitments to ME. I know he somewhat recently came off of a long relationship and that summertime should be fun so I don't want to read too much into something. I just don't know if I can expect him to re-think his story once I am closer or if I should just put him at a strictly friend level even though there is mutal physical attraction (which would be tricky). Thanks for your help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2004
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 10:17am
Hi there.First lets not get your emotions involved right now. You know if you do you could be taking a chance of getting hurt.And hey we know that sucks right? But anyway if he is not wanting a relationship don't be pushy or too clingy.He might think that you are desperate or just being too pushy.(Got that from Cosmo!) If he just came out of a relationship then there is a good possibility that he could be scared of things going wrong like his past relationship or that you could end up hurting him.Maybe he is just wanting to play this out slow. Which could be a good thing because it could also help you from getting hurt in the long run.You also said that you "heard" he isn't ready to be commited to you. Is the person who told you a reliable source and how do they know this. Did you confront him with this? Find out the facts first.You know how gossip can be.

Also I want to say that long distance relationships can be tricky.There is the distance between you all so if you all do hook it up then you both have to be 100% commited.Other wise you or possibly he could be thinking "What is he/she doing.Are they cheating?" And those little games that your mind playes with you can be some what nerve wracking.But then again.If you all do get togethar and are 100% commited then there should not even be no doubt there if you all love each other. Love can climb the highest mountains.Just hang in there and take it slow.Play hard ball with him if you have to.Or a little hard to get.Besides calling him for the day, wait around to see if he will call you.Then you know he is thinking about you and possibly is into you.Like I said just hang in there and don't let your emotions get involved before you figure out what he really wants and for that matter what you really want.

I wish you good luck and hope that things go the way you want them too. I've been in along distance relationship before and they can be tough. But I know you will have what it takes to make it work out.

~*Carrie*~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 11:19am
Listen to what he's told you and once you move don't expect him to change his mind. Usually, women hope to change the man's mind by "waiting", but in reality they're putting their lives on hold for someone who was honest and said "I'm not looking for a relationship right now". If he does change his mind then he'll let you know. If by any chance you keep on talking to him after the move and things develop in a sexual way/friendhip way that's what you'll get and nothing more. This guy might take the opportunity to have a "bed buddy" or a "pal" but not a relationship.