Just need to know if I am accurate in my thinking

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2008
Just need to know if I am accurate in my thinking
7
Sun, 04-07-2013 - 8:25am

I just broke up with a guy I was seeing for 2 months.

So here's the story of what happened when we were dating:

Week One:

We decided to meet but he doesn't want to meet at Starbucks, a restaurant for drinks, but instead he wants to meet at a Walmart parking lot.  In other words doesn't even want to spend one red cent on me.

Week Two:

Mind you he makes this huge deal discussion about how he should be able to see me more than once a week.  He says lets go on a date but last minute says he doesn't want to go to a movie, go to dinner or even go bowling, so we end up meeting in the Walmart parking lot.

Week Three:

He says we will go on a date on Friday but then I don't here from him.  So I decided to not call him, talk to him for a while.

Week Four thru Five:

We plan to see each other but he manages not to call me or calls me so late that I am too tired to go out.  We see each other the next week and to make more of a situation worse I slept with him at a seedy hotel which I paid for (he implied he was going to pay for it) because he wasn't ready to let me see his place.  Ok- yes I know that was a dumb ass thing for me to do but I was tired of being celibate. 

Week Six:

So one day we make plans to see each other and he makes it my responsibility to figure out what we are going to do.  Mind you he rejects every suggestion I had for what to do.  So I talk to him about the fact I am not seeing him much and  he basically blames it on having stuff come up and I should be patient and willing to be ok with the fact that he is not always going to see me when he says he will.

Week Seven:

He continues to say we will see each other manages to see me once that week and avoids me the rest of the time.  I finally stop seeing him because I had enough of his bs.

Is it just me or was this guy full of shit from the get go and totally emotionally unavailable.  Clearly he wasn't that into me even though he told me he was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Fri, 04-19-2013 - 12:34pm
OMGosh I feel for our species when I see women involving themselves in a situation like this that not only is so very damaging to one's self-esteem it is downright dangerous!
Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Fri, 04-12-2013 - 8:03pm

ibjunior wrote:
<p>I just broke up with a guy I was seeing for 2 months.</p><p>So here's the story of what happened when we were dating:</p><p>Week One:</p><p>We decided to meet but he doesn't want to meet at Starbucks, a restaurant for drinks, but instead he wants to meet at a Walmart parking lot.  In other words doesn't even want to spend one red cent on me.</p><p>Week Two:</p><p>Mind you he makes this huge deal discussion about how he should be able to see me more than once a week.  He says lets go on a date but last minute says he doesn't want to go to a movie, go to dinner or even go bowling, so we end up meeting in the Walmart parking lot.</p><p>Week Three:</p><p>He says we will go on a date on Friday but then I don't here from him.  So I decided to not call him, talk to him for a while.</p><p>Week Four thru Five:</p><p>We plan to see each other but he manages not to call me or calls me so late that I am too tired to go out.  We see each other the next week and to make more of a situation worse I slept with him at a seedy hotel which I paid for (he implied he was going to pay for it) because he wasn't ready to let me see his place.  Ok- yes I know that was a dumb ass thing for me to do but I was tired of being celibate. </p><p>Week Six:</p><p><span>So </span><span>one day we make plans to see each other and he makes it my responsibility to figure out what we are going to do.  Mind you he rejects every suggestion I had for what to do.  So I talk to him about the fact I am not seeing him much and  he basically blames it on having stuff come up and I should be patient and willing to be ok with the fact that he is not always going to see me when he says he will.</span></p><p><span></span><span>Week Seven:</span></p><p>He continues to say we will see each other manages to see me once that week and avoids me the rest of the time.  I finally stop seeing him because I had enough of his bs.</p><p>Is it just me or was this guy full of shit from the get go and totally emotionally unavailable.  Clearly he wasn't that into me even though he told me he was.</p>

Quite frankly, I would not have met in him the Walmart parking lot the first time he mentioned it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2012
Thu, 04-11-2013 - 1:30pm

Broke up with the guy?  Doesn't sound like you had enough contact to have a relationship to break up.  I'm a guy and would be shocked if a lady would want to see me again after our first "date" in the WalMart parking lot.  Then down the road you pay for a room?  It sounds like he is married and on a tight leash with the honey and the money.  You should have told him to get lost after the first get together.  Good luck to you and in the future look at how a guy is treating you and pay attention to any red flags.  If red flags are there early in the relationship, they will be crimson as the relationship expands.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2013
Thu, 04-11-2013 - 11:58am

The very first thing that came to mind after I read your post was "I bet the guy is married"

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 04-07-2013 - 4:35pm

I think he's married or living with someone.

And I agree with Music: if a man suggested we meet in a Walmart parking lot, it would be over right then and there for me. Beside the fact that it's so completely cheap and weird, I would be afraid from a safety standpoint as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 04-07-2013 - 11:13am

I can't believe you lasted that long.  If someone said to me "I'll meet you in the Walmart parking lot" my reaction would be Why?  Where are we going to go?  If he said "we will just sit in the parking lot and talk" which is what I assume you did, I'd say no.  It's not even the money.  ON a first date, if we did go to Starbucks, I could pay for my own coffe--the point would be that that is a normal thing to do, to sit in a relatively nice coffee shop where you can talk--if someone expected me to just sit in a parking lot with nothing to do--I'd just say no.  At least you could go for a walk in a park if you don't want to spend money.  And that raises the red flag.  If someone can't even buy you a cup of coffee, he's obviously not trying to impress you with what a good date he will be in the future.  And someone who thinks that you should be willing to put up with him canceling plans at the last minute--that would not go over with me, even from a girlfriend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 04-07-2013 - 9:51am

If a guy won't even pay for coffee at Starbuck's on a first date, and won't take you home or pay for the hotel in order to $#&% you, he is BIG TROUBLE. You're only mistake was not cutting him off after the first date. When you see a red flag right away, don't continue on.