Just not sure

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
Just not sure
4
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 2:02pm

So I just started seeing this guy, we met on the internet but from his profile he seemed like someone I would really get a long with. He is intelligent, has a great sense of humor and truly is fun to talk to. He has a lot going for him and which is something that my past relationships have simply lacked. We have gone on a few dates and have been seeing each other for over 3 weeks now. There have been a few things that has happened that I am just unsure of or wonder if I'm being too picky. My last relationship crushed me and I guess I'm a tad cautious now that I'm back in the dating game. So here's what has happened. On our first date he paid for dinner but allowed me to pay for drinks afterwards which isn't that big of a deal on the first date. Our second date was ice cream and wine which he took care of. Our third date was an outdoor theater at a local brewery. On our way he said that it cost $10 to get in and he didn't have cash on him, he bank was on the other side of town so we stopped at my bank ATM and I got the cash to pay for it. I guess what I'm getting to is that pretty much everything we have done can be split right down the middle. I don't expect him to pay for everything but feel like in the beginning he should want to treat me. The icing on the cake was last night when I was leaving his house he walked me to the door and let me walk out alone to my car. This bothered me because we have a guy assulting women in my town right now.

Am I being crazy? Or is this guy not worth my time? Help I don't want to get into another deadend relationship!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jamis25
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 2:20pm

jamis25...

Pianoguy doesn't understand your correlation between THE TIGHTWAD YOU'RE DATING and the stalker!!!

Here are 3 issues you might want to address (within yourself and to the man you're dating):

1. You're doing the "I'm comparing the new guy to my last boyfriend" routine! And if you continue to let this mindset continue...you'll probably start looking for flaws in every man you choose to date?! Doesn't matter if he's a prince or a bum? You'll find a FLAW!

2. The man you're currently dating obviously feels that a 'woman should pay her own way?' Sadly, there are a lot of 21st century males who subscribe to the theory? So you have to ask yourself (HONESTLY) if 'sharing the cost of a date is worth the price of the relationship with the men you choose to see?' I doubt any ivillage can answer that one for you...IT'S YOUR CALL!

3. If you feel uncomfortable 'walking alone'---you ask ANY GENTLEMAN (politely)..."would you mind walking me to my car and waiting until I get the engine started?" Once you're ready to pull out of the parking lot...say THANK YOU and GOODNIGHT!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: jamis25
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 3:06pm

So you fell for the old "I don't have the cash on me" routine. This man is cheap, and he thinks that you should pay for some of the dates. And yes, any gentleman would insist on walking a lady to her car late at night.

Do you mind paying for dates? Do you mind walking alone to your car? Because if you do, this may not be the man for you.

We judge people on their actions, and if I were in your shoes I would be less than impressed. But I am not you, there might be several women on this board that don't mind paying for $10 entrance fees after their date "forgot" their wallet. If I go out with a man I expect him to be on time, ready, have cash in his pocket and behave like a gentleman.
I don't think for a minute that you are being too picky.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: jamis25
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 3:19pm

I think the splitting things is maybe cause to be on your guard, but not to dump the guy.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: jamis25
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 1:31pm

This is definitely an issue to discuss in a light way but you can at least bring up that you were a little nervous walking to your car alone, etc, and see his reaction


see what happens next time with the money aspect also. If again he doesn't have $ and wants to get it from you, well, that's pretty cheap.

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