Just a question, plus more

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Just a question, plus more
2
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 6:40pm

I have been dating my new boyfriend for going on five months now, it's a learning experience for me this dating thing. Since, I recently came out of a long term relationship not so long after I met my current bf. We've had some up or downs in the past few months, mainly regarding trust and just in general trying to get to know one another. Lately though, I've been feeling blue about the way his father views his opinion of me. I've only met his father once, but in that short time, he's apparently concluded that i was all wrong for his son. That his son may not have a bright future with me since I had a tough up bringing and also perhaps due to my race not being the american girl or turkish standard. I realize that he's only met me for a few short hours, but it's really bothering me that he doesn't accept his son's approval of me. He believes that his son has made all the wrong choices, and since it's his first "real" girlfriend. His son is clueless and has no idea what he really wants.

I'm terrified this will come back and haunt me in the future. I hope that I am still with the current boyfriend I have for a long while. However, I'm just scared that if his father never approves of me, then he will eventually talk his son into leaving me. Will I ever have enough self secureness to face his father and open up with him. Will this affect me in my future? What if we move in together, what will happen then? Just some questions. What do I do to help myself recover from this hurtful feeling I have?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 10:53am

stoddardn8tive..

Pianoguy suggests that YOU and YOUR B/F come to some sort of understanding about HIS DAD before YOU move in together! Your b/f will be the person who will have to 'intercede on your behalf' if Dad gets a little too...err...verbal?

You might be the sweetest, most-thoughtful woman on the planet...but any parent who has a preconceived idea of "the right woman" (or "right man") for a child isn't going to change HIS/HER MIND overnight?

So you better talk to your b/f and get a promise from him that you AREN'T gonna be caught in an uncomfortable situation? If he can't provide you with some sort of assurance that DAD isn't gonna do a 'verbal whack job' on you.......DON'T MOVE IN TOGETHER!

That's the best advice I can offer.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 11:06am

I would have a frank discussion with your boyfriend about his father. If your boyfriend tells you that he doesn't care what his father says or does, you are the most important person in his life then I would not worry about his overbearing father.

However, if your boyfriend insists that he respects his father's opinion and is very close to his family, I would seriously consider how much more you want to invest in this relationship. Your boyfriend is going to be hounded by his father and made to feel guilty about his decision to be with you, will he be able to get beyond this?

With some people you could be Mother Theresa herself, and all they will still see is your skin color or your heritage. Sometimes it isn't worth an uphill battle.