just a summer fling?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
just a summer fling?
2
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 12:40pm
i came back from 3 week vacation/language study in south france last sunday. a week before i was due to leave, a great guy joined my class. i would probably never end up dating him (i'm not really a summer romance person) if he didn't "pursue" me as much as he did - found every reason to be nearby, asked me out several times a day (!), organizing group events and making sure i'm in, etc, etc. so attentive, fun, cool. we spent hours talking & sharing, laughing & joking, it was and still is amasing how well we got along and clicked. i loved spending time with him and even though at first i thought to him it was just a fling/wish to shag someone, the more i got to know him, the more i saw that he cared more than i thought. i told him that i will not sleep with him, that i do not think we will be able to meet often when we depart france as it's really expensive and yet he didn't let go of my hand until i sat on the plane..

while i was with him i knew that it was only for a week, that i do not want to go back to long distance relationship as i suffered too much from last year break-up and wanted something normal, not virtual. but he inisted i call/sms him when i arrive home, that i keep in touch, that i visit him in his country as soon as possible, that he will come over to my place as soon as he can. he begged me to stay for another week in france but i had to get back to work or i'd risk losing it.

i don't know what to think. we talked twice since i came back. it's crappy that sms between my country and france (where he is now) is not working properly - i can receive his text messages but can't reply, only call, which is very expensive. until Sept 15th he does'nt have much of internet access.

i truly miss him now, although i still think i'm not in love. but being with him was great and i miss being with him. i am waiting for more news from him and hate this expectation - last thing i want is to get hurt again. after my last relationship i don't really trust anyone 100%.

is it normal? should i really fly over to Paris and visit him as he asked me to? it's quite expensive.. and i'm afraid i'll get more hooked for nothing. should i ask him what/who i am to him and whether he is into it so much that he wants us to try being together?

he is 27, i'm 24. we lead different lives, he studies in Paris till next Aug, then off to Stanford. i work and have good career. i'm not sure he wants to have serious relationship although not able to explain why

i'm lost...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 3:17pm
I don't think you can be more than an object of his infatuation after only one week, so asking him "what/who i am to him" will only get a response based on his fantasy of you. You're not sure if he wants a serious relationship with you for good reason - he can't possibly know that this soon. It doesn't matter what he insists. Decide for yourself if you're willing to endure the obstacles and the expense of a LDR. And if you do want to give a shot, do your own "insisting" - insist that he come visit you. The chances that he will are not very high. If he promises to visit in some vague and distant future, won't that tell you all you need to know?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Sun, 08-29-2004 - 12:08am
I had a very similar situation a year ago in Nice/Monaco. I met the guy about 4 days before my trip ended and we spent almost the entire time together.. he drove me to the airport and kissed me before I left. We hadn't slept together either, I really like him but I hadn't had the chance to spend enough time to know whether or not I could ever have true feelings for him. A language barrier also made it a bit strange for me. He seemed really infatuated with me though and talked of seeing each other again. We msn'd quite a lot when i got back but he never called once... he kept saying we should get together so i invited him to visit canada.. he said in January... he didn't. then he said April.. he didnt'. Always says work is too busy.. I think my advice is this - it was a summer fling. It was wonderful while it lasted and you enjoyed a fantasy experience that many dont get the chance to experience!! Remember the fun you had but if it was meant to be, I personaly think that guy would do anything to be with you again.... just my 2 cents worth.