Just...one of the guys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Just...one of the guys.
6
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 3:09am

Hello. I was just wondering if I could get some advice.
I hang out with a group of guys. I am usually the only girl, but even when I'm not the only girl, the guys treat me, and even refer to me as one of the guys.

When they make guys only nights, they joke around that I am still invited because I'm one of them. I like being accepted by them but there is another part to the problem.
They constantly joke around with me and flirting, but sometimes it is difficult to tell when they are being serious about certain things. They were talking in the car the other day and my friend told me they said:

"She's like a sister, and even though we joke around, we could never see her as anything but one of the guys."

How do I keep the acceptance as one of the guys, but make them see me as a girl...
I hope that makes sense...
Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 1:03pm
I feel your pain! I am in the same situation. Do you like one the guys as more than a friend? I like one of the guys in my group (I haven't told him yet) I just treat him extra special. Being invited along with the guys on "guy's nite out" is a two edged sword for me. It givs me more time to flirt with Steve. But because I'm out with the guys (playing pool and having a beer), I'm SEEN as one of the guys. I dress more feminine when I'm out with them, of course. One of the guys even said "wow! Nice outfit and we're only going to Cue and Brew! I wish MY gf would dress nice once in awhile! All she wears is jeans!" And Steve said, "yeah, Ginger does dress nice." Good, I thought, maybe Steve won't keep seeing me as one of the guys. But still, no date. I'm afraid to ask him out because of the "he's just not that into you" book.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 12:48am
I know exactly what you mean. I am in the same situation as you..pretty much exactly, from what I've heard.
It's hard sometimes cause I want them to see me as a girl, but be accepted as one of the guys... if that makes sense.
I'm thankful for what I've got but sometimes you can't help but wondering, what would it be like if you weren't "one of the guys"...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 12:07pm

Wear a sexy outfit, that should help!


,
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 12:26pm
Yes, I agree with Dating Doyenne. A sexy outfit can't hurt. I just keep wearing something nice everytime I go out with them. It's hard to figure out what guys want. Last year, I went to a hockey game with Steve and he thought I was "really cool" because I know about the game and the lingo, drank beer and shared a pizza with him and I was wearing a hockey jersey. Steve said his ex gf wasn't interested in sports at all. She drank only wine and daquiris or white russians, so she'd never go to the microbrewery we all hang out in. She would never play pool, so she never went to the pool hall. He said they had very little in common and they broke up. Soooo, here I am with a lot in common with him and he can't get past the buddy thing with him. When he was going out with his gf, he and I were friends, (I wasn't at the point where I liked him as a bf yet, because he was taken, so I dated someone else) so now he used to treating me as a friend. The only thing I can think of doing is dress and simply be more femine around him. Then maybe the light will go on.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 2:08am

Yeah, thanks for the help.
I am still confused tho, cause there are a lot of people who think he likes me, and there are a lot of people who think I like him (Which i do, lol), but for some reason i always doubt it.

Oh well, I guess Ill just take your advice and "girly" up around them. If nothing happens, I'm more than happy just having him as a friend anyway.

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 9:48am

I remember having that problem before I got married. Was one of the guys. Now, I still prefer to start with that sort of relationship, but include the flirting from the beginning and leave no doubt I'm a woman in how I dress and who I am. Keeps me from being one of the guys, but as I have been told, interesting and fun to be with at the same time.

Cheryl