keep getting dumped.ignoring red flags??
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 12-06-2004 - 11:54pm |
I realized that my posts on here for the past few years have always been the same sort of situation with different men, over and over again! I'm not sure why I keep having these experiences. Is it me? Am I picking the wrong men? Is this normal?
I am almost 30 years old, attractive, nice, fun... but I am having such a hard time in the love department! I date a lot, but I am ready to settle down, and I cannot deal with these games men play anymore. Dating just seems so frustrating these days. I wonder why it was so easy for my parent's generation- for them to meet a nice man and fall in love...
Every man I date blows me off, leaves me without explanation, or does have a reason, but it doesn't seem believeable to me. Most have had some sort of dependencies, whether it be pain killers, anxiety meds, alcohol. But others have been very normal, and give me lame excuses. It is just very depressing and I don't know why this keeps happening to me. I am very low maintainance and easy going... don't demand much of them... But, they keep leaving... Some, I am glad they left in the end, and others I miss...
Last week I posted on here about a man I met online. I liked him a lot. And, he seemed fun, mature, good job, no dependencies, and SEEMED ready for a relationship, or so he told me so... He sweet talked me, took me out to nice dinners, sent me several emails a day, called every night... And, Friday night I see him and we spend 2 hrs together, and he doesn't call for days... Now, he is doing the same thing some others have done. IGNORING ME and has not called back or explained... Taking the easy, cowardly way out! I hate being left out in the dark. I would so much rather a simple email telling me he is just not interested! Why is it so hard for a man to do this???
So, I saw the red flags with this guy (sweet talked me too much right away), I saw the red flags with the last guy (said he did not ever want to marry on the first date, told me he went to rehab yrs ago and still took stuff), saw the red flags with the guy before (from the start would wait 4 days before calling, forget to call, not want to see me for weeks)...
So, why am I giving these people the benefit of the doubt all the time??? I feel I am getting stronger with each time, but why am I not trusting my instinct? And, how can I know if any man I ever meet is sincere???? Like this last one was so kind to me and sweet... What if a man is sweet and I can no longer have trust in him and ruin it?
How can I trust any man after I have been played so much and dumped?????

You have already provided the answer to your own questions.
Start
bellina sends cheers! I can truly empathize from past fellows who were inconsiderate,selfcentered and take advantage of one's generous nature in being too nice
for my own good.In Britain,after artcollege,my galfriend Melanie set me up on blinddate
with Alan,was a very charming,witty,good looking fellow.We seemed to be compatible,got on great,had mutual interests,music tastes,museums,artgalleries,cooking,dancing,etc..Dating him for a short while(2 months plus),he'd call often and always give me notice for a scheduled gettogether.Usually day before and go out to dinner,see plays,art exhibits,picnic lunches(he was all about romance,bought champagne,freshcut flowers,berries,etc).Suddenly,after dating for a month frequently,he grew cool,aloof,blamed his career demands of longer work day and gettogethers were infrequent.When we did go out,he'd ring me same day,a bit more spontaneous and unlike before without day or week ahead notices.Found out he'd been seeing someone else,she was getting the planned date itinerary./Discovered this in his carelessness,dropped his calender planner which had dates planned for this other lady,Jenny.All I can say is when confronted he denied any love interest,said she was an art dealer/client.No way,she called me and claimed they'd been having intimate encounters,and said spare me details.Broken hearted me,didn't see it coming as I accepted his change in dating styles.
Agree with Jill,don't ever assume in a relationship,let him give you more planned dates,2 days ahead at least to meet.Don't know if you permitted a fellow to give you short notice (like a couple of hours prior) to have a date.Don't let them feel superior,and that you don't have a life too,be it with family or friends,who would plan ahead to go out.Never make it too easy,as men feel there the centers of your universe,unless establishing a trust between you in a loving relationship.In time,knowing his character,how he treats you,and if you're feeling romance,then he can be a king,as long as he treats you like a princess! Best wishes for good men to come into your life. You're
worthy of a sensitive,intelligentt,and attractive fellow to love!Take care,Bellina
Hi Irishkt,
I am a guy who just joined and my advise to you in this situation is be wary of who you are meeting and where. The second thing is you should be very wary of anyone recovering from dependencies especially the drug and alcohol variety as their moods tend to vary and what can be a very intense expereience at first that feels good to you and to him might actually be a way for said men to get a fix a high of some sort.
Also it is not just men who take the so called easy way out people in general do this they fear the best way to avoid a confrontation is to ignore it and do not realize that a situation like this can fester.
My advice is continue to date around but change the environment that you select your men from and be wary of sweet talk and intense emotions in the first few weeks because while those are fun they are not signs for a succesful relationship. The next thing is relax you are almost 30 and still have plenty of time both my parents and grandparents did not marry until their early and mid 30's and both marriages remained successful. Have Fun finally. Stop worrying if this next guy is Mr. Forever and enjoy yourself.