Keep it on the Down-Low...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Keep it on the Down-Low...
1
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 5:24pm
I'm in a sticky situation. I dated a guy for ONE month (lets call him Josh), and he fell a bit harder for me than I did him. I really felt pressured into dating him in the first place- my married friends wanted another couple to hang out with... they kept on and on about how he had everything I needed in a man, but I was never really sexually attracted to him, and that is a very important aspect of a relationship to me. So, I eventually let him know that I wasn't into having a relationship right now and that we should just be friends. Throughout the entire time I was seeing him I found myself being VERY attracted to his roommate (Justin), which is his best friend. It was obvious to everyone around us that there was something between Justin and I. He told one of our mutual friends that he really had a thing for me the whole time I was dating his friend and that it sucked to see me with Josh, when he knew that I'd be a lot happier with him. I didn't see him for about a month, then our friend arranged for us to all have dinner together. We really seemed to be clicking, almost ignoring all others at the table. By the end of the evening, we were discussing our feelings for each other. We have feelings for each other, but it seems impossible for us to be able to be together. I'm not so sure how bad Josh would take it, but we both don't feel comfortable being around Josh when we are together. I don't have anything to loose by giving this a shot, but Justin has so much on the line. They are both contractors, so they work together, too. Even though Josh may not outwardly do something to show his disappointment, I'm sure he would begin to treat Justin differently. I've recently graduated college and am living at home for the next month til I can get moved in to my apartment... until then, we just have to sneak around to see each other- I can't even go to his house!! We both feel like we are having an affair and it is really not fair to either of us. I hate that his friendship is on the line, but is it selfish of me to want to continue this relationship? He wants to try things with me too, but I hate for him to sacrifice all of that for it to not even work out. I'm at the age where I only date men that I could see myself marrying, and I really see potential in Justin. Should we just continue to sneak around and see how things work before we tell anyone? And how long should that be?? Which one of us should approach him with the situation when the time comes? And what do we say?? Hopefully someone can relate and give me a little light on the subject...

Thanks ya'll...

Kristen

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 7:00pm
I think this way of approaching this situation is very childish. You're all adults, aren't you? Unfortunatelly, you're in middle of a friendship that will broken even if you continue to sneak out and tell later or tell now. Are you sure that this Justin is worth all this? If Josh and Justin are friends there is the possibility that Justin may not be willing to risk his friendship for a woman and might stick with his buddie once every thing comes in the open.