kissed my bestfriend ,nowtotally messed

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
kissed my bestfriend ,nowtotally messed
4
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 1:12pm
hey there

some weeks ago, my best friend and I were alone in my house and we got very drunk and we kissed and had a very very intimate night.He said what was happening was perfectly natural and something that had to happen. The next day we agreed that we needed to talk on this. He said he did not believe that it happened only because we were drunk and he said we should wait and see what happens and how it goes. He also said we did not have to act as if nothing had happened and also said that he knew I could not do such thing. He offered that we see how it goes for a while. Then he started acting very casual and a few days later I said I wanted to talk since I hadnt said anything before. I said I felt awkward ignoring what has happened and he said he did not quite understand why I felt awkward and asked me if that was a turning point for me. Then he said everything that night was mutual thus I did not have to feel bad, it did not have to mean anything or mean a lot of things. Everyday he talks differently on this and he also asked me what we could do if we could not act like friends. He acts so strangely and I hate ignoring all my confused feelings. I think he regrets what has happened. Should I talk to him again because I feel hurt and cannot trust him if we continue this way...:(

I am afraid I feel things for him. THis situations is so bad..
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2004
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 2:34pm
Maybe he sees the kissing just as a sign of affection, in the same way that giving a hug is something you do with people you feel close to. To him, he cares about you and loves you on some level, but not in a romantic way (even though to you the situation may have felt romantic). Remember, guys view sexual contact differently than girls. So to him it may have been a bonding experience between close friends rather than a romantic overture. So he doesn't see it as an awkward or confusing situation. The awkwardness comes from having to talk about it and define what it means. Perhaps if you let it go and just watch how he acts toward you from this point on, you will gain some clarity as to what it means to him. Generally, when you start wanting to talk about feelings and "the relationship" with a guy, is when they start pulling away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 2:48pm
It sounds to me that what happened is not a big deal to him but it IS to *you.* If you cannot be on the same page as to what the kissing meant for both of you and your platonic friendship, there would be tension or awkwardness until you both resolve what needs to be done at this point.

I don't know if talking about this again would prove to be productive but you can try andmake sure that you both are clear-headed (sober) and mature in approaching this. IF, after talking, you feel that there is an impasse, you have to decide whether you want to continue the way things are between the two of you as "just friends", or if it would be better to get some space from each other so you could clearly decide what you want and how you want your interaction with him to be like. (friends? more?)

Friendship, like any relationship involves two people, so it's not just your decision, but his, as well. Regardless of the outcome, if you two are *really* friends, you would respect each other's wishes. But I think more importantly, you have be honest with yourself first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 2:49pm
I see what you mean. You're right. Maybe I shouldnt go on acting the way I do cos I am very close to him one day and dont want to see his face the next day. We tried talking and it doesnt work very well. I think Ill just let things go and see if I am ok with the situation or not. Right now I am very unbalanced emotionallt and maybe it's not the best idea to reflect it to him. Ill just act casually and probably a bit more distant mostly, cos Id feel that way.

THanks a lot for your reply porcupine
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 3:10pm
well, maybe I do not tell this very objectively because my friends who know about this strongly disagree when I say he does not care about what has happened. I know I am being harsh on him just because I feel hurt. I am just too confused to care about his feelings right now...Thanks for your response too. This feels really good. To get insights from from other people.