known him too long?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
known him too long?
3
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 4:13pm
hi everyone, this is my first time posting a question on this board so I hope Im not going to be boring you with a stupid question but heres the deal. I have been best friends with this guy for 14 years, hes seen me through a couple boyfriends and knows that I have issues with committment. I know hes liked me forever but always avoided the topic of dating because I never saw him that way, its like dating a brother. Fastforward to after my last breakup he begs me to give it a shot with him and i finally agree to, that was back at the end of July... its now Sept, my feelings towards him havent changed all that much. I left out one important detail, i am his first girlfriend. In other words I am quite a bit more experienced than him. after a bit of playful banter about who kisses who first and complaints by him that its been a mth and we hadnt kissed yet i finally did it... and it was horrible! it was a quick peck, not at all what i was expecting, after a few days he apologized for the "kiss" and said he wanted me to teach him how to kiss... which is all well and good but when i dont know how to teach someone without showing them so a couple weeks ago i gave it another shot and had the same result, the quick peck. We havent tried since even though he keeps bringing it up that he wants to. My big problem was that i was counting on this kiss to be something enlightening, maybe the event that makes me stop thinking of him as just a friend and finally get that we are dating now *sigh* anyway sorry this was so long but to sum it all up, if anyone has experience converting a really long friendship into a relationship advice on that would be helpful as well as advice on how to teach someone the ropes of kissing/dating etc. thanks!
<3 kris
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 10:48pm
If you consider him like a brother, why are you trying to force it into something else?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 09-22-2006 - 8:14am

I agree with bklynchick, this guy is very much a platonic friend.

You know this guy has huge issues, you've known him 14 years and he has never had a girlfriend. If this man had wanted a girlfriend he would have found one. He has no dating skills. His commitmentphobia and other challenges, concerns and problems won't disappear just because he is dating you, unless you hold a degree in psychiatry and take the time to help him sort out his myriad of personal issues.

This sounds like way too much work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-22-2006 - 9:07am

kris129...

PG wants to know if YOU have enough patience to teach this man anything?

He sees you one way...but since you've been best friends for 14 years...can you HONESTLY see a 'romantic transition' happening between the 2 of you??

I find it a little odd that the one man you've been a close friend to...HAS NEVER HAD AT LEAST ONE GIRLFRIEND prior to yourself?!

You might want to ask yourself if you can cope with a 'bad kisser'---in exchange for some of the more 'desirable qualities' he already has?

Pianoguy