lack of commitment
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lack of commitment
| Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:03pm |
Hi A few months ago I found out my boyfriend of 6 months then had been seeing his ex at her house twice a month or so all the time we had been courting. He stayed with me every weekend. I finished the relationship. He wrote me mails asking to stay friends. After 6 weeks I strted seeing him again. We are going for relate counselling. I had already at xmas asked him to move in and he said yes but has a house to do up and sell. He just never gets much done. I get on at him or he does nothing then he will do a bit but I cant see no real effort. When I have apoligised for going on he says he needs the push. Now I have told him this week I dont think he is committed as if he was he would get on with it so we can have a future. I have gone on a bit this week as Im feeling very frustrated. I need commitment more than ever from him. He says I hurt him going on and he wants an easy lifenot this and he is getting on. He is saying I should trust him to get on. How long should I give him or is it best I say nothing and go for the counselling first. I do know he lacks motivation in doing diy as his last girlfriend told me he never did anything to the house and he also has an empty house wich needs sorting out too. That has been empty 6 yrs. He pays all the standing charges for the bills and is losing money but he doesnt seem to mind even though he has a bit of debt. He is a lovely person otherwise and is willing to0 go to relate. He says he finds it hard to get close to someone. He was married 14 yrs and with someone 6 yrs

You probably don't want to hear this, but most men who have been in a long-time marriage as well as a long relationship ARE VERY NERVOUS when it comes to trying a 3rd time! The expectations YOU might have from us might be impossible to "pull off?"
There's always the chance this man will get his act together if you give him a little space? Then again...he might be thinking: "Is this what she'll be like after we're married?" And the last thing ANY MAN will do is walk into that trap! We'll exercise our option to run as fast as we can in the opposite direction!
You seem to want more stability, but you might have chosen the wrong man to provide it? And if this is the case...stick to your decision to let the guy go...and find someone else who will 'adapt himself to your standards of living!'
Pianoguy
I think it's an excellent idea to go to relationship counseling with him.
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