Late Bloomer
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| Fri, 05-04-2007 - 4:01am |
Hi everyone,
I am a 20 year old college student with an irritating problem.
I have had boyfriends for the past 5 years of my life. Because I am a pretty girl, I have never really had to work for these relationships. I have been lucky enough for these boys to immediately show interest and essentially guide the relationship.
However, my last relationship ended a few months ago and I am now single…for the first time since I was 15 years old. Being new to the single/dating scene, I have attempted to meet new guys and have fun. Unfortunately, I recently realized that I am VERY shy!! Because I have had boyfriends for so long, I suppose I never developed the necessary dating skills.
When meeting new people, I am very proper and cordial. I am frequently at a loss for words (or use inappropriately large words when speaking to “cool” frat guys, lol) and remain very uptight throughout the entire conversation. I am constantly thinking about how I look and what I say. In my college social scene, I feel that men strongly favor my friends with outgoing, flirtatious personalities.. regardless of physical appearance.
I have been told that I seem very wholesome and proper in appearance and demeanor. Although I do like myself and am proud of my intelligence and morals, I would like to be somewhat more relaxed and appealing. I feel that this is the time in my life that I should be relaxed and having fun. I wish I were able to do so.
If anyone has experienced something similar/ has any advice.. I would greatly appreciate it!

how to appear more relaxed and easy-going on a date? A-l-c-o-h-o-l :)
Thats the only advice i can give, coz am in a bigger dating mess than you :)
Zen
I'm not sure I can help you, but how are you with your friends,just the girls? Do you feel shy around them too? The reason I ask is because if you are just generally shy, then there are books you can read ("How to Win Friends and Influence Others" - by Dale Carnagie) and classes you can attend.
If you are just at a loss for words around guys, then you might want to pay attention to some of the conversations that your friends are having with men. What kind of topics or conversations are grabbing their attention? Different guys like to talk about different things - stereos, cars, hiking, travel.
The main thing is to be yourself when you are around men. Since you are 20, you may be hanging around college seniors and post graduation plans are always being discussed so you can start out by asking them what their plans are post graduation and where they are thinking of living. People love talking about themselves, so if you ask some questions about them and who they are they will find you to be a good listener (which means a good conversationalist) and hopefully you can interject a supporting statement now and then that shows that you and a guy have similar interests (like, "oh yeah, my family went to this state park and we got to hike a trail too and I enjoyed it too"). Asking probing questions also affirms your ability to take your mind off of what you want to say and focuses on him - men and women do respond to that - (like if he makes a statement about Bush and Iraq, you can ask "why do you feel that way?" instead of giving your opinion so quickly - this also demonstrates openmindedness).
Hope this helps.