Legitimate excuse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
Legitimate excuse?
15
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 7:25pm

Last night I called and invited him over when hes done work. He said he would be over around 10 or 11 (so I assumed he'd be over around 12). Come 12:30 I call him and he is asleep!

This morning I call him to find out what happened. I said it would be nice if he would call if he was too tired or changed his mind. He said he didn't change his mind, he had fallen asleep. He said, he was getting ready to come over (shower, change) and decided to lay down for a bit but then he fell asleep.

Is this acceptable or is he lying?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 9:04am

reggielicious...

Pianoguy thinks you're expecting most ivillage members to be clairvoyant?

Sorry but most of us AREN'T!

Men and women DO get tired after work...and the only thing some of us want to do is crawl into bed and go to sleep!

If you can't accept this about nearly every person on the planet...perhaps you should head to Mars, Saturn, or Venus where the population probably doesn't require sleep?!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 9:42am
He's only human...!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 9:50am
Okay thanks for your opinion. I guess I am still not quite secure around him and I should just take this with a grain of salt. Its just that its happened a few times in a row where he didn't show up and didn't bother to call. Its not really a trust thing that I have with this but more of an inconsideration thing to not call if he has a change of mind or plans. But I guess if he fell asleep theres nothing for me to harp about.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 11:26am

Is this the unreliable guy you've posted about previously? If so, then I wouldn't say he's lying necessarily, but he *is* unreliable. Is that what you want in a partner?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 4:47pm
I'm afraid its the same guy. I don't like the unreliability. But, I really, really like him and he really is a nice guy. How do I fix this in him? Or is this a sign that hes not that into me? This falling asleep most likely really was by mistake and I should lighten up.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 5:31pm

You don't "fix" it--you either accept him as is, or you move on. I personally wouldn't be able to deal with that--and I've ended relationships because of it, even though I really liked the guy. But we weren't compatible in that respect and I got too frustrated trying to be ok with the lack of reliability when I really wasn't ok with it.

If this guy didn't have the pattern of being unreliable, then I'd probably give him a break on his excuse of falling asleep (and I do think it's an excuse that many men use--I think it actually happens maybe once in a blue moon), but since that's his pattern, I wouldn't be inclined to.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 9:06pm
Thanks Sheri. I always appreciate hearing advice from you. What I think I'm going to do is have a real talk with him the next time I see him. Not to 'lecture' or 'nag' him about his unreliability but I guess to find out where we are headed. His unreliability makes me think he is not really into me and that he just sees me as a casual thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 9:56am

reggielicious...

PG has brought this up several times before, but for the benefit of the ivillage "newbies" here we go again!

A man usually leaves his family (particular his MOM) when the nagging, fault finding and other similar issues get out of hand. And unfortunately, the same attitude kicks in whenever a girlfriend, spouse, or S.O. crosses the NAGGING LINE too many times.

While there are some women out there who feel that constant badgering (on their part) will eventually get us to behave the way they'd like us to...their efforts usually work IN REVERSE! I'm not suggesting that "gentle coaxing" isn't a good alternative to yelling at us. But when the habit gets out of control...or becomes a day-to-day event...can you blame some of us for not wanting to leave work early in order to get "more of the same?"

When we're faced with the choice of a lecture, scolding or a threat (similar to what we experienced when we had 'mother figures' in our lives)...most men won't take any of this.

We'll either AVOID YOU or "tune you out" instead!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 1:42pm
It's definitely possible he fell asleep but should have called as soon as he woke up to apologize
,
,
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 4:15pm

It could be that, or it could be that he is just a flake. How is he with other people in his life, with his job, things like that? If you're the only person he's unreliable with, then yes, I'd say it's because he's not that interested in you. But if he's like that with everyone, then that's just how he is.

Sheri

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