Let's Do Lunch...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2004
Let's Do Lunch...
2
Sat, 04-17-2004 - 12:14pm
Hi everyone! I'm new (as you probably have already guessed), and I have a dilemma...

There's this guy that goes to my church and he asked me out to lunch several months ago, when we were in an evening class at church together. Well, we just casually discussed it... never really set a date. After that night, nothing else was mentioned about it, so I figured, "ok, he either wasn’t serious in the first place, he's not interested, or just forgot, or whatever." Fine. I can live with that. After all, his type (tall, handsome, a lot going for him) never goes for someone like me anyway (short, average-looking, and shy). Well, a couple nights later (in the same class) he mentioned "doing lunch together" again. So I said, "sure! When would you like to go?" Before I knew it, we had set a date and time. The only problem was that my work schedule only allows me to take my lunch break from 11:00 am until 12:00 pm. We had decided on a little Indian place, but we both weren't sure if the place would be opened by 11:00 or not. He was almost positive it opened at 11:30, so he casually asked me for my cell number, so he could call me that morning at let me know for sure. If it wasn't going to be opened on time, we'd have to select another place to meet. Ok, fine. I played a long with his ploy to get my number. I figured, "wow, he's smoooooth! What a slick way to get my phone number from me!"

Well, the morning of the lunch date, I waited patiently to hear from him as to whether or not the place would be open. I had made specifically sure that he understood that my lunch time *HAD* to be between 11:00-12:00 and that my job would not bend one way or the other. He had said he understood. 10:30 rolled around and he still hadn't called me. I figured, ok... I'm going to have to call him. Maybe he forgot or got busy (he owns his own business, so that was a possibility). Well, I ended up not being able to reach him and having to leave a message. I just told him, "Hi (his name), it's Cheryl. It's going on 11:00 and it's time for me to leave to meet you for lunch. Still haven't heard from you as to the place's hours of operation. If something's come up, give me a shout. (Gave my number again). Bye! :o)"

That was at about 10:45. So finally, 11:00 rolls around and I still haven't heard from him and so I decided, "look. Here's what I'll do... I'll just drive to the place. It’s not too far from work anyway. If he shows up, fine. If not, I'll be having Indian cuisine alone, and that too, will be fine." Well, I got to the place and wouldn't you know it... he decides to call my cell. "Hey, Cheryl? How are you? I called, and the place doesn't open until 11:30." I told him, "Yeah, I know. I'm looking at the sign on the door right now." He got silent, then said, "Oh. Well, did you want to go somewhere else?" We decided on the place right next door - an Italian place.

We met there instead, and had, what I thought, was a nice time. (I could be wrong...?) We talked about church, how we both came to accept Jesus (it's a Christian thing to be curious as to how one came to know Jesus), and what we do for a living and what we were going to college for. Before I knew it, lunch was over, and he paid the bill. I offered to pay the tip, he agreed, and we had to rush back to work. He said we should do this again, and I agreed, and that was that. The next day, I decided to call him up and just "confirm" that I had a nice time, and thank him for lunch. Only... I couldn't reach him. I had to leave a message. So I left that on his answering service. I would've hung up and tried to tell him person-to person over the phone, instead of person-to-machine, but I panicked and just left the message. Maybe that was my mistake? It’s not like I didn’t already tell him “in person,” face-to-face. Anyway...

A couple days passed by and he never called me back in regards to my thanking him and letting him know I had a nice time. He had said earlier to e-mail him, so I e-mailed him a little blurb. Mostly about our class at church. He replied. Ok, so this was looking promising after all. We had also discussed me getting my website off of Expage and Geocities, etc., and on to a different server where I could actually OWN my own website - domain name and all - and be rid of pop-up ads and such on my site. They were getting to the point of ridiculous and the complaints from visitors were growing. I was already going to sign up prior to our lunch date, regardless if he was “the one,” because it was exactly what I was looking for. After our lunch date, I did sign up. (And it's the best thing I ever did! I love owning my own website). Well, anyway... Fast forward a couple of days after our lunch date, and I have to contact him with a question about their site builder. So I called him up. I couldn't reach him... AGAIN. I left yet another message. By now, I'm wondering, "does the guy have caller I.D. or something?!" I left a polite message though, and left my number (again) and told him what the situation was. He never called back!

I ended up having to e-mail his technical support employees (when I would rather deal with a live, living, breathing human being whom already knows my 'web site' situation). Oh well. I ended up getting the help I needed, which was good, but now my question was, "either he's avoiding me, or he's just a terrible business person." I got brave and just asked him. I pulled him to the side, and asked him, “how come you haven’t returned my call?” He looked stunned, “what’d’ya mean?” I told him, “look, ever since we went to lunch, it’s like you’re trying to avoid me. I called you the other day because I needed help and you never called back. Was it something I said or did?” He assured me, “oh, not at all! No way… It certainly hasn’t been intentional.” So I told him, “well, it just seemed strange. I know I don’t make a good first impression, but sheesh!” (I was laughing it off, trying to make light of the situation). He chuckled too, and said, “Oh, no, I’m sorry. It wasn’t intentional.” That was that.




We shared a couple of e-mails back and forth (I was the first to start it up though), and the last e-mail I sent, I sent to all my friends. It was a “FWD:” about praying for your friends, and ’send this back to me, etc.” I also included a personal note to everyone, “I’d like to be able to put all my friends on my website. If you’d like me to put your pic on my site, let me know. After all, you guys are my friends! :o)” I thought it was short, cute and to the point…. FOR EVERYONE.


To this day, (it's been one month now), he has YET to respond to that e-mail, or call me out of the blue just to say, "how's it going?" And he has yet to send the first e-mail on his own accord. WHAT GIVES? Was he just "being nice to me?" Or was he just taking me out to drum up business in the hopes that I would become a client? The thing is, when we bump into each other at church, he smiles at me and says, "hi, how are you?" and *SEEMS* happy to see me. However, when I smile back and say, "hi, (his name). I'm doing well, how are you?" He looks all nervous at me and clams up. Maybe it’s my age. I’m 6 yrs. Older than he is. (He’s 23.) What's his motive? Does he just "like" me (as friends, when no one else is available to him), or is he interested and just clams up and never calls back out of nervousness, or what? I'm so confused… :o(

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-17-2004 - 12:26pm
I'm sorry, but it sounds like he changed his mind about his interest level in you OR he really was just interested in you as a fellow church member and/or potential client.

You've made your interest very clear and he's already shown you he's not too shy/nervous to set up a get-together. It's time to move on.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2004
Sat, 04-17-2004 - 11:57pm
It figures. That's the story of my life! No one's ever interested in me just for ME. No, they're usually after something else. Like, how they can date my best friend, or how they can mooch off me. "Just be yourself" people say. YEAH RIGHT! I wear my heart on my sleeve, and for what? NOTHING! When I try and act "aloof" I manage to goof THAT up too - they still run scared. No matter what I do, nothing ever works. I've tried being myself, I've tried being nice, I've tried being friendly, I've even tried being aloof and acting "not-so-interested," so as not to send them fleeing. I've tried being someone I'm not to make myself more appealing (when I was young and stupid), and I've tried the "mysterious" thing. Nothing works! The only time a guy shows any interest in me is when I already have a relationship going. (And that relaltionship is usually with a guy who doesn't appreciate me). As soon as I lose the loser, the guy who *was* interested is no longer interested and moved on to someone else. I'm going on 30 years old and NEVER BEEN MARRIED! I'm sick of always being the bride's maid and never the bride! Oh well. Enough pity partying. His loss. ...Moving on now.