Letter - need opinion

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Letter - need opinion
5
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 11:10pm
Hi everyone,

I have written a letter to a guy whom I have a crush on. I'm 30, and he's an old family friend (he's 38). I'm chicken, though. Do you think this is too pushy? I would like your opinions, since I'm wavering in whether or not I should send this.

...

Hi “John”,

Congratulations on your new home! I called information for your address – I hope you don’t mind.

Anyway, I was wondering if you would like to get some coffee or lunch sometime – just to talk and get to know each other better. It’s funny – we’ve known each other our entire lives, you we don’t really know each other. I mean, I don’t know you and you don’t know me – not really.

And whether it’s just friendship or something more, it’s almost like me don’t know each other well enough to know. I mean, maybe we should just talk and communicate ourselves without six other people staring at us? It’s pretty intimidating for me, and I’m sure it’s uncomfortable for you.

Anyway, if you’d rather not, of course I’d understand. Please don’t think that you have to or that you’re obligated in any way.

Take care!

“Rita”

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 7:48am
Hi Rita!

You didn't indicate if John was married or dating somebody...but Pianoguy is assuming that neither factor applies.

The only suggestion I have is to eliminate or rework your first sentence in paragraph 3.

Unless you know for sure that this man MIGHT have some serious feelings for you that go beyond friendship....why scare him away with the words: "something more?" I'll bet you can get your point across with a better phrase?

Of course...you can always make a reference to the fact that (because) he has probably spent so much money on his new house...YOU'D LIKE TO BUY HIM LUNCH!

Do you want to try that idea?

Best of luck from...

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 9:40am
Hi Beth! I would re consider the whole thing because the line that you said "I called information to get your address" that would really scare me if someone told me that. Maybe he would be okay with it. ? All you can do is take a chance==you never know unless you do--however is there not a way to get his number (from mutual friends, family members) where you could just call him? Either way is your choice, go for it and try--I am just saying that the finding out my address that way would scare me a little-but maybe thats because I am a girl! LOL Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 2:07pm
I would find out his number and give him a call. Also, you don't want to sound like a A) a stalker or B) desparate to be in a relationship. You want to just call him up and say:

"Hey, I heard you bought a home, congratulations! Did you want to grab lunch with me this week so we can catch up?"

You don't want to say, "you don't know me, I don't know you..." and "And whether it’s just friendship or something more,". To me it does not sound confident, but rather clingy. And for you to say "don't feel obligated", well that's just SCREAMING that you don't think you're good enough for the guy!

What you want to do is realize that although you don't know him, you do want to get to know him better as a friend. Don't fantasize about what if until you know him, what if he's not the guy you thought he was? Just go into it with the idea that you're really looking to make a great friend! (May help you to relax)

Good luck!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 8:14pm
I agree with Alison about the tone in your letter. To me, your letter is self deprecating and even disparaging of your value as a woman with whom he would be interested in. I read something along the lines of I'm interested in you and I'm painfully shy, sorry. Sorry if you're not interested in me, there's no pressure to this letter. Let me go and disappear. In your third paragraph you even imply that he's uncomfortable pursuing an interest with a woman. Is he painfully shy, has he not been dating the entire time you've been acquainted with him?

My understanding is that men are very flattered and even happy to have a woman make a pass, show an interest. More than anyone, they understand how painful and uncomfortable it is so when they aren't interested, they're ususally nice about it.

Sending him a congratulations card without commenting on how you got his data is a sweet idea. All you have to write is a short line about how you'd like to meet him for coffee sometime to find out more about his new home (or something that you have in common with him) and give him your number. The ball then would be in his court without too much pain and effort on your part. Calling him is nice, too, but don't leave a message on his machine, try to get him in person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 11:30pm
Here's an idea...

Send him a greeting card, one that congratulates him on his new home, and if you add a line or two about getting together later, that may work better. I think the letter is a little too much for a "first" attempt, it could scare him off. Try something a little more simple.

Good luck!