LETTER To x -- please proofread!
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| Thu, 10-14-2004 - 3:38pm |
I know it's been a few weeks since we talked about this, but I need to be honest about my feelings and where I am coming from. When you first came up to me, and told me you wanted to go out with me, I was very hesitant. I was coming off a very hard breakup, and really not looking to date anyone, let alone anyone in my circle of friends. I explained my hesitations, and all the reasons why I didn’t think we should go down that path, but you were convincing.
When you said that you had a crush on me for years, I was excited and flattered all at the same time. So, I decided to give it a try. The more I got to know you, the more I started to fall for you. I was weary about your lack of any substantial relationship, and even joked about us having a four-month expiration date.
But as each week passed, I really felt like we were getting closer. Especially when you told me that I was the closest to thing to perfect when I asked you how you felt about me, you ask me to a family wedding and introduce me to your parents.
When we first starting spending time together, you knew I was not looking for anything serious, all I ever asked for from you was respect and honesty. I thought I knew your character enough to trust that is what I would receive.
I really started to trust you, and thought you would not do anything to disrespect me -- especially because I was not some random girl that you just met, but instead a friend that you've known for years.
When you came to my house to talk to me about this a few weeks ago, you were the one who said that you had not dated anyone else since we started seeing each other. I never asked you if you had. You offered that to me. And although we never had the "are we not seeing other people" talk, I am really hurt that you would lie to me about that. I felt so disrespected when I had to hear from some random acquaintance that you were in bed with another girl the night that I was dealing with one of the most horrible things my family has ever had to go through.
I never assumed that we were "exclusive," but I did assume that you had the respect and decency to wait to talk to me before you hoped into bed with someone else while I was at two funerals.
It's not my personality to let something go when it is bothering me, and I felt like I did that when we first talked. I needed to get this off my chest so that you knew how hurt and surprised I was. I don't fault you for your feelings changing, I just wish it were handled with a little more respect.

Are you sure your therapist means for you to SEND the letter? It's a very useful technique to *write* the letter, but the advice I've seen (and agree with) is that it's best not to actually SEND the letter. Anytime I've sent the letter, I've ended up more hurt and angry when I don't get the response I'm hoping for (an apology, usually).
Sheri
I feel for you hun..I have the same type of personality where you get hurt & upfront you don't say what your feeling but when you think about it later/brew on it, those feelings surface later and you wish you had said this or that, it can eat away at you that you let that person off without satisfying your own need to express your feelings--YES, it is great to write a letter theraputically it is great but(as the other person said) its better to write it and keep it for yourself. I have to ask what your point would be to send it to him? What do you hope to come out of it--because lets face it-we are women and we tend to "romanticize" how things might go down, and end up disappointing ourselves more when it doesn't go as we thought it should--like (as the other post said) getting an apology. I think your letter is good as far as how you feel it went down, and how you felt about it...basically says you want to let him know it hurt you & this is why, but I don't know it will do unless you feel you need to get past the anger & be angry at him? I know anger is part of the "process" of healing...we have to do it-it makes it easier sometimes. The letter sounds good & do what you want with it-but don't be let down if you don't get the reaction you might expect....just do it for yourself-not for a response from him-if he does then fine-but if he doesn't then just know you got it off your chest. Good Luck--Hugs, SweetXO
I hate the place you are in right now. It has taken me a year to get past a real heart break.
Good Luck
Jodie
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