letting go when you're still in love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
letting go when you're still in love?
3
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 1:12pm
My boyfriend and I have only been together for 8 1/2 months- but in those months we've come to love and care for each other immensely. We've had our rough spots, as every couple does, especially when he was away (too far to drive or see each other more than once a month) on business for three months. However, he's finally returned from his trip and things have been great since he's been back. The only thing is this- I just graduated college and will remain in the same area as him until May, when I'll move about an hour away for the summer. Come fall, I'll be going to law school either 2.5 hrs or 4 hrs away driving. Because he knows I'll be leaving, my boyfriend wants to break up now. He still loves me, tells me constantly, treats me so well and I still love him but he feels that there's a strong chance we'll break up in the fall and so he wants to end it now to minimize the pain later. I admit that his opinion is pragmatic and possibly the best thing to do, but I'm too much of a romantic to accept it. I don't know what will happen in the fall- 4 hrs away isn't so horrible that we couldn't see each other often enough, as he fully admits- but even if I go away and things end up falling apart, I will always regret not having these next 8-10 months with someone I love and care for so much. After staying up all night talking last night, we agreed to give it a week before discussing it more. I guess my question is- do I fight for this relationship as hard as I can or is he right, am I just being selfish by resisting ending it now?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2005
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 4:39pm
My initial first thought is to question: Why your BF feels it's best for you all to break up now....I would think if your BF loves you as you state you love him (meaning the feelings are mutual), breaking up or even discussing it would be the farthest thing on his mind. His focus would be on coming up with a plan to make things work, to not allow distance to be an issue between the two of you.
If you love him I would say fight for it, but only if you are sure he loves you back in return. The last thing I would want is for you to hold on to the relationship and it results in a breakup due to him feeling you all were doomed from the day you moved away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 6:13pm

I think the fact that your boyfriend wants to break up with you in ADVANCE of your move is a bit suspicious.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 1:45pm
When I first read this post, I got the feeling, he may be trying to manipulate you out of moving and going to law school at all. But don't even think about bagging your plans just to be with him. If he wants a relationship with you and loves you like he says he does, then he should be willing to continue the relationship after you move. Even if it is not convenient for him.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting