letting go of worrying about him

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
letting go of worrying about him
1
Thu, 11-25-2004 - 2:36pm

I left a 13 year relationship over a year and a half ago. My ex was very manipulative and controlling. Every part of my life was consumed by him. He was a negative person who carried a lot of anger/resentment from his upbringing and his mother leaving. He didn't let me go anywhere without checking in and telling him my every move, and he was very jealous if any other men showed me attention. We were just existing. I finally woke up one day and realized I deserved better.

After I left, he was devastated, and I felt a lot of guilt over leaving him. He blamed me for upsets that occurred in his life due to my leaving him. He wanted me back and I asked him to seek counselling, but he refused unless I returned. I sought my own counselling and it has helped me to move on and realize I deserve better in my life.

I found out through a friend that he is doing no better, not leaving his house, still angry, resentful etc. and she said he has not moved on with his life. I have no contact with him as he "hates" me. I know I should feel good about the steps I've made to carry and enjoy my life.

How can I stop thinking about him and letting thoughts and worrying about him worry me so much. I have my life to live. Why am I still thinking of him. I don't want to go back to him, but I can't help worrying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Thu, 11-25-2004 - 5:57pm
you should be very proud of the fact that you have taken your in order,sometimes we stay in relationships even though we are not happy.
it must have been very hard leaving especially with all the emotional guilt you must have felt but you do deserve better. a relationship works when both people are independent of each other.you now want more but you shouldnt feel guilty at leaving something that made you feel unhappy. he can blame you and resent you until the cows come home but at the end of the day he can move on with his life but only he can do it. he sounds very insecure and of low self esteem but he cant drag you down as well.
hopefully you can move on and maybe he will realise that you are not the enemy.
good luck in the future and remember you only live once.