Letting people know you're now single...
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| Wed, 02-15-2006 - 6:57pm |
............and ready to start dating? But How?
First question: What is an appropriate way to make this know to women so they don't think that you are still married and a total creep. The follow-up question is how do you "check-in" on female friends to find out if they are currently "involved" with another guy.
Here is the short story. I have always keep my marriage situation private (because it was so awfull, my ex has significant psycological problems she would not seek help with) almost all my friends and business associates, both close and not so close, know that I was married. Now that I am ready to start exploring the datng world, what sort of remarks or comments can anyone suggest to calm the nerves of prospective dates, so they don't think that I am still married when I ask them out? Some of these women I may not have talked to in a number of months, so I don't know if they are seeing someone or not right now.
Second and last question: After it was clear that the marriage was over, the therapist that we worked with (to save the marriage), assured me that I would be a real "hot commodity" on the singles market,i.e. attractive, high income, good education, always wanted children but ex hated the thought of kids, yada yada yada. I suspect my self-confidence is pretty shot at this point, and that may be why I am asking the question. Is there really such a thing as a guy who is a "hot commodity"? I guess what I am saying is that the last time I was in the dating game, guys chased girls for dates.... 20+ years later do women chase guys for dates? Is it possible to be a "hot commodity"? Can that be true?
Thanks, for your thoughts and opinions, whatever they may be.....

I'd send a "catch up" email saying something like, "hey, we haven't spoken in a while, you may not have heard, but my divorce was finalized a few months ago. I'd love to have lunch to catch up, let me know when might be a good time for you".
If you have your act remotely together emotionally, then YES you will be a hot commodity. There are relatively few men in the dating pool in our general age group (I'm assuming you're at least in your early 40s or so based on the fact that you've been married for more than 20 years) who are not "walking wounded" and who actually *want* a relationship so anyone has their act together will be *swamped* by women who are tired of dating messed up guys who have no desire to commit.
HOWEVER...I do have to ask...how long has your divorce been final? A lot of savvy women won't date someone whose divorce has been final for less than a year, especially after so long a marriage. You may feel ready to date sooner, but I would urge you to take plenty of time...I made the mistake of thinking I was "fine" after my divorce (you could NOT have told me otherwise), but I was so not fine it wasn't even funny. I ended up in a bad, bad rebound relationship that lasted 4 years.
Sheri