in limbo
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| Mon, 08-02-2004 - 8:23pm |
I have never posted but am driven to as my friends, family, no one really is giving me any clear advice.
Like all great epic and over-told stories, this one revolves around a boy. I am in my early twenties, never had a boyfriend before, never did anything more than inebriated kissing with strangers who remained so. Last October, I lost my virginity, by my choice to a friend of friend who was going away (was going to do the wild one-night stand-liberated woman thing) but the kid actually called back and it went on for 3 months. Even though he was in a really unsteady place (just got dumped by his 5 yr long girlfriend due to tramautic circumstances and was crashing at a friends for a while) that encouraged me to keep going (as it was a safe bet that my emotions wouldn't get involved??! I know- stop) but now its over because it was supposed to stay open, the other girl surfaced- and i didnt like that idea and awkwardly broke it off.
And as i type i am slowly losing my ability to communicate because i m actually caring enough to post about this!?- its been 9 months and i still think about him - as we have mutual friends - we got together once recently and he suggested we start again but - i know i cant- his ex is around too often - and i feel like a slowly dissolving saltine in a hot tub. I cant look at other guys. I hope he never finds I refuse to call him but want to see him, even though he's a big slut. but he - arrgh. Where does our eloquence go when speaking about men??? What- how?! Ahem. I cant look at anyone else. Noone turns on those little switches u know?
'Yes i guess i do still like him.
- Slanted and Enchanted

Pianoguy loved your analogy about the "saltine slowly dissolving into a hot tub!" You have a wonderful way with words and symbols. Have you ever considered writing a short story or two?
Anyway...I think you're experiencing "double devastation"----the boy that you "gave yourself to" didn't have any reluctance about returning to his old g/f...and yet...he's willing to "work you in whenever he has some free time?" This scenerio stinks! And I hope you'll forgive me...but you sound like you've got MORE CLASS than he's giving you credit for?
There wasn't any profile on you, but I'll bet you have some wonderful qualities that would interest many men? But right now, you're still hurting..and possibly regretting your impulsive act of 9 months ago (to lose your virginity).
Tell me something please....why in the world if you know a man is acting like "a slut" and is probably seeing other women besides the g/f...would you want to be attached to this type of idiot? Especially when you can probably find someone who will love, respect and genuinely care about you!
Give this some serious thought...and then make up your mind to take a "fresh start" and don't look back! Best wishes, a few hugs and warm thoughts from...
Pianoguy
I just needed that kick in the ass. Augh! The business of mending frayed egos. Commence!
I am launching a paper airplane out my office window today in your name - hopefully the universe will give you back the kindness that you afford to a stranger. May you find a twenty on the street! May flowers grow where you tread and people treat you the way you should be treated.
The best advice I've ever received on this tangled hairball of a guy.
Thank you for your compassion.
- Slanted, disenchanted
Thanks for your very nice thoughts.
To be honest with you, if PIANOGUY has a good weekend of tips from "people who sit at the bar and put bread in my jar"---he'll consider that about the same as 'finding a twenty on the street!'
Getting through ANY emotional disappointment is difficult, but I'm sure you'll get past this one? At least...I sure hope you do?
Pianoguy