A little confused...
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A little confused...
| Wed, 05-26-2004 - 6:20pm |
So, here's the story: I have a boyfriend-we've been together for a year. We've had our share of good times and bad times and times where it's been in between. For personal reasons of his, he's not able to committ to me anything more than today and possibly tomorrow-does that make sense? He says he cares about me (blah, blah) but won't say he loves me. A few weeks ago my very first boyfriend got into contact with me-this was not unusual b/c we've kept in touch over the years. Anyways, we talked and hung out a little and now I'm feeling all these feelings for him. I don't know if they are unresolved feelings from high school, new feelings for the man that he has become, or what. I don't know what to do. Should I explore these feelings for old boyfriend? What should I do about current boyfriend? I don't want to hurt current boyriend b/c I deeply care about him, but I feel that I need to be true to myself too. Any advice?

1) The current boyfriend-Would you be considering ending your relationship if the old boyfriend had not entered the scene? Are you looking to get married and if so, do you think this man shares your goals?
2) The old boyfriend-Would you have feelings for him if the current boyfriend were in the same place as you emotionally (i.e. ready to commit)? Why is he your ex? Have the things that broke you up changed? Im a firm believer in same input same output so if you were to reconcile, but neither of you have changed, another break up would be likely.
So...my personal advice is to make a decision regarding the current boyfriend and that will give you the answer to what to do regarding the old. If you want to stick with the current, exploring your feelings for the old is NOT a good plan. If you realize that you and your boyfriend are not going to work out, ending that relationship frees you up to explore feelings for the old.
My only concern is that you feel like you have to choose either the current or the old. Being alone is ok, enlightening and really healthy too.