A little odd...
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| Fri, 05-12-2006 - 11:21am |
Hi everyone!! I hope you're all having a wonderful week!!!
I wanted to get some input on this... I was talking with my boyfriend the other day about our relationship... how it's going... problems we have, etc. It came up that the ONLY problem he has with me is that I'm not "needy" enough... weird huh? I've heard of guys complaining about girls being too needy, but not needy enough... that's just strange. I mean, I know I'm a very independent person... my parents divorced when I was seven, and I pretty much raised myself... I stayed home alone, cooked for myself, did laundry... I only relied on my parents for financial support. Now I do have problems letting other people take care of me. My best friend confirmed this when I asked her... she said I'm always putting other peoples emotions before my own, and that I never ask for anything for myself. I don't want to be one of those needy people because it's just not who I am.
So I guess my question is... what exactly does it mean to be emotionally needy? And how do I show him that side of me while still maintaining some of my independence? I want him to know that I DO need him... if only just to love me.


Whoa! Hang on a sec...
Emotionally needy is not necessarily the same as "needy." I am much like you - value my independence, love to to learn how to do things for myself. However, I've realized (hopefully not too late) that guys like to do things for you that they think you "need." Got a broken toilet? Ask him to help you fix it. I know I could learn to fix it myself, but occassionally asking for help makes my bf feel like he's contributed to my happiness and peace. Plus, any chance to break out a tool is practically nirvana for him - lol. Let him know the things he already does that make you happy and that you value (he may need to hear the list). :-)
Does he mean emotionally needy? Is he expecting you to "need" him to cheer you up/make you happy? Make you feel better about yourself? If so he is looking for a co-dependant, not a healthy independant woman.
I think it all depends on how he defines "needy." Do not be afraid to ask him exactly what that means to him.
Good luck!
I think that no matter what your boyfriend says, you have to continue to be you. If you are the type of person who is self-sufficient and most comfortable doing things for yourself, then you should not try to act "needy." And you're right... most men fear and loathe a needy woman!
Being needy is when a person constantly demands attention, reassurance and validation of her own worth. It's not the same as knowing when it's OK to accept help and emotional support from someone. There may be occasions when you could use some support from your boyfriend, such as if something sad or unfortunate happens to you, but you hold yourself back from talking about it to him. That would be an opportunity to allow your boyfriend to comfort you. Don't push him away. You're not asking him to "fix" the situation. That's always the danger when we let men know about our misfortunes...(smile) They tend to want to find a solution, when all we really need is a sympathetic ear.
You just have to find a balance between the strong, self-assured woman you are, and the woman who appreciates a man's willingness to share the load.