Lonely for Love

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
Lonely for Love
2
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 8:36pm
I am lonely for a man to be in my life and to share it with. The last 3 guys I have dated have fallen by the wayside-excusing their uncaring behavior to this and to that- Always with the sentence of I want to be with ya, but I am just not ready or I have decided to be with the girl before you...some sad excuse. The guy I have been dating for almost everyday straight the last mth, has stood me up twice including, once on my birthday. Anyway, I am crazy about him..it took us 8 mths to get together but was worth the wait...I thought it was gonna be "it". (this is the 3rd time in a 2 yrs I thought it was IT) It--apparently isnt. He has given me great excuses..working 16 hr shift(which is believeable for his job) and this last weekend, his buddies kidnapped him and went fishing all weekend. I saw him yesterday and he thinks I am making too big a deal over it. I havent heard from him since..and before he was calling or coming over everynight for almost 2 wks straight. SO..do I break down and call him..it seems like I would be throwing myself at his mercy..but dayum I miss him, and I probably am making no sense at all..But I do know that I am sick of beng alone in this world....and my son thought he was great! Plz help me..I am sick over this. He made lots of future plans with me..and now..I haven't a clue..NONE!

cowgirl in Pain
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 8:31am
No. Don't call him.

Something you said in your post is *very* telling: "I am lonely for a man to be in my life and to share it with." This is a warning sign to me, saying that you are looking for just anyone to fill that position.

If I were you, I'd take a break from dating and get re-acquainted with yourself. The common denominator in all your relationships has been you but have you taken the time to figure out why things didn't work, or what didn't work for you? Before you attempt another relationship, I would take a step back and take a long hard look at yourself. Are you expecting too much from these guys? Are you looking for them to fill a void? Are you not respecting yourself enough to stand up when they do something that is a "deal breaker?"

Just some thoughts for you to start with, hopefully they will spark more. I hope this helps.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 10:45am
Great advice bklynchik..........I'm with you on this one.................

It took me a very painful break up a couple yrs. ago

to see "I" was in need of a man in my life too.... Instead of

wanting the man I needed..... as i look back he was NOT

what i wanted.... :) his "real" character was low,

the "fake" good image he poured all over me in the beginning

was also, what i "thought" worth waiting for too, like you stated

in your post. i "knew" i didn't want to go through another heart

break with another man and be "alone", so even after seeing

all the things about him I didn't want or "need", I still thought

I needed to stay in the cold, disrespectful,

hurtful ignoring treatment he gave me 70% of the time.

I "waited" for our relationship to turn into what I wanted...

.... it got worst! LOL :)

it ended with him cheating, lying,and leaving me alone

with my "need" still unmet. when it finally hit me, i needed

to get a grip on "ME" and not him or any man... i took a long

much needed break to put my life in perceptive... :)

now I'm so glad i did... it gave me a lesson i needed

to learned and this time not willing to

"Sacrifice" poor treatment from any man.

Just dating and enjoying the time with a lot of sweet

wonderful men and even the not so sweet ones... put my

heart at ease..... :) I have now been able to walk

away from the so called (perfect) men without

the fear of being alone.

so give yourself some time.... And just allow the good

and the bad move through your life while you "hold"

true to what you want and deserve, without fear of being

alone....



take care :)