long-distance
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long-distance
| Tue, 06-19-2007 - 9:36am |
Ok, this is for a friend to whom I don't know what to say. I told her about iVillage, but she's too lazy to check it out so I said I'd ask for her because you guys rock!
My friend is going back to her home country next week and her boyfriend is staying here. He told her that he thinks she is the most awesome person and he loves being with her, but that he doesn't think it'll work because 1) he will be too busy in the next few months to be a good boyfriend to her and 2) he did the long-distance thing before and it was too difficult and he doesn't want to do it again. After the said all of that, he said he was very confused and glad to get that off of his chest. She told him she needed some time to think abotu everything he just said to her.
SO the question is: Is he just blowing her off or does he genuinely like her but just doesn't want long distance? If a guy really likes you, will distance, business, etc really matter? No, right? Won't he move heaven and earth if she really is the one??? I've seen them together, and I think he really is in love with her, but then I hesitate to say this because if he really was, wouldn't he want to give the long-distance thing a shot, even though as he said he's already done that and had a bad experience with it before?
My friend is going back to her home country next week and her boyfriend is staying here. He told her that he thinks she is the most awesome person and he loves being with her, but that he doesn't think it'll work because 1) he will be too busy in the next few months to be a good boyfriend to her and 2) he did the long-distance thing before and it was too difficult and he doesn't want to do it again. After the said all of that, he said he was very confused and glad to get that off of his chest. She told him she needed some time to think abotu everything he just said to her.
SO the question is: Is he just blowing her off or does he genuinely like her but just doesn't want long distance? If a guy really likes you, will distance, business, etc really matter? No, right? Won't he move heaven and earth if she really is the one??? I've seen them together, and I think he really is in love with her, but then I hesitate to say this because if he really was, wouldn't he want to give the long-distance thing a shot, even though as he said he's already done that and had a bad experience with it before?

How old are they, how long have they been together? Do either of them have the money to ever visit one another?
>After the said all of that, he said he was very confused and glad to get that off of his chest.
Since he kind of back-pedalled, and said he was confused, and apparently anxious about it (felt like something he had to get off his chest), I think he genuinely likes her AND genuinely doesn't really want long distance. And ultimately I think he doesn't know what he wants to do right now.
She should think about this. He should think more. They're going to have to keep discussing it. If she wants it, and he's willing to try, I say, try it. But it does seem like a risk for her since she may be on "thin ice" in this long-distance relationship.
>If a guy really likes you, will distance, business, etc really matter? No, right? Won't he move heaven and earth if she really is the one???
If a guy thinks you are a good marriage prospect for him, some will do the long-distance, some won't. Long distance is hard. It's also hard to develop a relationship long distance. And if you can never see one another until deciding to marry...I think that's just a bad idea, even if the person seems perfect for you.
I think that one sentence you wrote is perfect - "I think he genuinely likes her AND genuinely doesn't really want long distance". I think so too! She was just insecure and asking me - is he blowing me off or does he really like me but is torn with the long-distance? It's tragic either way, but of course I'd rather the latter one! Also, she said he started off by saying, "If I'm reading too much into the situation, just forget everything I say afterwards" hahaha! It's like he was saying, if I'm taking our whole relationship way too seriously then disregard what I say after, but if I'm not and we really are as aserious as I think we are then okay... Too cute!
SO, I think she is trying to think of what to say back to him. I know she wants to continue the relationship, but doesn't want to seem too eager or desperate. I told her that's going to be tricky to manage. Also, she was a little put off by him saying he'd be too busy during the semester to be a good boyfriend. But then in the end he said he'd been thinking about her so much the last few days and he was confused ...
Thanks for the compliments. Maybe I've lived enough to get a little wise.
>she said he started off by saying, "If I'm reading too much into the situation, just forget everything I say afterwards"
Yeah...he sounds very into her, but wasn't sure if she was as into him. LOL.
>SO, I think she is trying to think of what to say back to him. I know she wants to continue the relationship, but doesn't want to seem too eager or desperate.
I think the attitude she has to personally have is, I want us to try, but I realize it will be difficult and it may fail. And if she can be that way, then communicate that perspective to him.
Is she coming back after the summer? A few months seems do-able to do long distance, perhaps with a visit in-between.
>she was a little put off by him saying he'd be too busy during the semester to be a good boyfriend.
I thought that a little off-putting as well. But maybe he was just being honest. Maybe from experience he believes doing long distance will be time-consuming/energy-draining and he really feels he'll fail her because of that. It's one thing to be busy & tired & in the same location because at least you guys are able to eat together, sleep together, vegetate/relax together. The relationship moves along without requiring too much time sacrifice or extra energy, and an in-person relationship is pretty rewarding. To do long distance, you have to use up actual "free" time, and try to drum-up some enthusiasm (while you're busy/tired) for a disembodied voice...a bit harder.
Even if they end up deciding to part ways, if she's back in the fall and they're both free, they could decide to start up again.
>I told her to just be honest with him and if she wants to try and keep it going, to not be afraid to say that!!!
Yeah...to get what you want, you generally have to be willing to take risks.
I think that the guy is just being honest and sometimes that hurts.
No, guys (in general) do not move heaven and earth for a woman. Distance does matter. And some people don't like being put out at all and if he is that type of person, she could be wonderful, awesome, the best ever - but he may eventually get tired of the situation.
For some guys at certain stages of their lives, the "one" could appear and because of logistics or career or whatever...they don't stop everything to marry her and they just move on (because they have to accomplish something or get to a certain stage in their lives before they can put another person first) and they know they'll meet another "one" someday. Women are different and more romantic about that type of situation. Women are more likely to move for a guy than vice versa.
Anyway, I think it's cute how she basically already answered him and he was like, um, well, why don't you take time to think about it? Haha. I think it shows how much he cares about her and how much he really wants her in his life in any cpacity whatsoever.