long distance blues
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| Mon, 06-26-2006 - 3:29pm |
hi. ok, I'm going to sound neurotic and obsessive. I realise my problem isn;t really serious but it still bugs me.
my boyfriend of about 6 months (we've been in different cities from the start) says he loves me and seems committed though I am too insecure to be sure. my problem is he sometimes seems to ignore me. this last weekend he was the best man ata friend's wedding ina different city. I helped write his speech. but the 2 days he was away at the wedding, I never heard from him. not a one minute phone call or a text message or anything. all that time I was wondering how his speech went, if he was ok etc. then when I didnt hear from him at all, I began wondering if he'd met someone.
when he finally called, last night, he said he couldn;t call me because there was someone with him all the time. a mate of his shared his room etc. I didn't protest but I was left wondering why he couldn;t call his girlfiend whom everyone apparently knows about, for a minute, in front of others, just to say hi.
he doesn;t, however, like to call when he's out with his friends or from work. it bothers me because I think about him a lot when I'm out with mine.
sometimes I email him at work and every now and then he replies, especially if he knows I'm pissed with him. but often, he just ignores my emails and tells me later he was too busy at work. this is probably somewhat true but when we forst started going out he emailed me all the time, first thing in the morning and last thing at night. that only lasted for about month or so and once we discussed our feelings and I told him I was really into him, and we talked aboutcommitment, he stopped doing all the little eager things he'd do before. in fact, once he started saying he loved me, he started doing less. maybe he feels it isn;t necessary any more, but I got used to it. I thought finally here was a guy who really thought I was special. so it's disappointing now to feel that I'm not on his mind as much as he is on mine.
the distance doesn;t make it easier. I wonder if he only misses me when he's lonely and bored at home, and when he's out having a good time he doesn;t care at all.
sometimes I consider breaking up because I'm so tired of trying to second guess him. of course if I ask him he comes up with an excuse and insists he loves me.
what to do?

Is it just about wondering how much he loves you if he doesn't call more often, or is it that it is frustrating when you really want to speak with him and he is not available? I know my boyfriend and I both feel frustrated a lot of the time when one of us is out doing stuff with friends. It's not that either of us doubts the other one's love for us. It's just hard sometimes when you really want to talk to the other person and they're not there. We're both in a long distance relationship as well.
It seems though like you may have gotten somewhat spoiled in the first month. I don't see any reason why somebody should need to call their boyfriend/ girlfriend if they are just out with friends, or why you need to e-mail each other regularly during work hours. It may be better just to accept that and let things go.
I can understand why you might feel bothered that he wouldn't pick up the phone to say hello over the two days if you usually talk everyday. I can also see how he might have felt uncomfortable ignoring all the people around him to start a conversation with you, and how he might have felt uncomfortable calling to say hi only to tell you he has to go a minute later. The next time he's going away for a while, the two of you should talk about this beforehand and figure out an arrangement for how often he'll call so that you're not left worrying and wondering about him. By the way, why didn't you call or text message him while he was away if you just wanted to see how he was doing?
rosewater (what a sweet handle)
thanks for your reply. you're right. I do get frustrated. in fact the few times he calls and I don't answer, guess what he does? calls again, constantly, and leaves whiny messages like where the hell are you? so yeah, I guess we just have different ways of reaciting. my typical way is to be passive aggressive and sound cold and resigned to the fact that he's not interested. how unhealthy is that??
your post sounds so mature and level headed compared to mine :) thanks. it really put things in perspective.
and the reason I didn't text him or call is cos of pride I guess. I keep thinking what if I'm disturbing him, what if he doesn't want to talk to me etc.
I don't think I'm being a very good girlfriend to be honest. but LDRs are hard!