long-distance crush and school
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| Sat, 10-21-2006 - 2:01pm |
I re-met a friend from years ago when he came back from grad school for another friend's wedding. Something clicked between us over the weekend, but I had to go back to school in Wisconsin and he had to go back to Pennsylvania. We are keeping regular email and IM contact, with occasional phone calls. I am considering his university for grad school next year, so there is the possibility that we will be geographically closer. How do I keep him from influencing my grad school more than he should?
I also tend to freak out when a relationship gets close; I'm not sure if it is when I feel "too" attached to him or when he gets "too" attached to me. I've always been shy of gettin to close to people because I don't feel like I can count on myself or them to not hurt one or the other. I've gotten better with this, but the nerves are still there. Any tips how to calm myself so I can get past the beginning of a relationship? And how to handle this possible relationship (and sure friendship)? I am really interested in him.
~*tweetyness*~

When thinking on where to attend grad school take him OUT of the picture. Your education is a priority. Think about the best schools you can get into as if he never existed. The worst thing you could do is enroll his school to be "closer to him". That's the wrong reason to move. What is the crush never materialises on his side? You'll be stuck in his school, with no relationship, and having him closer to you geographically.
Don't get nervous about something that "could be", but isn't yet. If the friendship progresses then it's OK. If not, then you've lost sleep over nothing.
Getting "attached" to someone isn't healthy. People don't get attached to others, leaches attach to other live beings. People complement each other and share standards and values in life. When two people enter a relationship the healthiest thing to do is to maintain ones individuality and not become "one". The couple has two parties. Take this into consideration when getting into a relationship.
I was considering his school before he came home because it is one of the best for my field, so I could go there for very relevant, rational reasons. I just have to be sure that those are the real reasons, that I'm not making excuses for myself. Another consideration: even having a friend at the school would be nice so I don't move to a new place without knowing anyone there. Anyhow, I don't decide on a grad school until spring so I have plenty of time to let it stew in the back of my mind. I hope that'll weed out any false logic.
I tell myself not to be anxious about people, whether regarding friendship or romance, but it doesn't always work. I don't like to allow others to see any problems I have because I don't want them to feel that they have to help me. In a nut shell, I'd prefer to take the burdens for my friends that to see them troubled.
And by attached, I don't mean a leachy-type thing. I just mean a feeling of affection for someone else and wanting to spend time with them (not obsessively). I completely understand that both people in a relationship have to maintain their individuality. I couldn't live my life only in relation to a significant other.
Sorry if I was unclear.
~*tweetyness*~