Long Distance dating ~ where do I belong

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2006
Long Distance dating ~ where do I belong
5
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 8:08pm

I recently met a really great man on line. We both have about everything in common that two people can have. But most of all he has my number 1 need in a man and that is a commitment to Christ. He currently lives 12 hours away from me but through conversations we have had we both want to see where the feelings we have for each other can take us. We have discussed moving and he has agreed to move to my home town if it comes to that. He has no problem doing that at all.

Is there anyone currently in a long distance relationship that is successful and can tell me some tips to help this go as well as possible. Or is there anyone who was in a LDR that didn't go well but you have ideas on what could have been done differently to make it work. Or maybe I'm on the wrong board and there's a message board full of people doing exactly what I am doing. lol

Thank you for all your help.

Stephanie

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 9:30pm

There is indeed a Long Distance Relationship board:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/listsf.asp?webtag=iv-rllongdistan&nav=start

One question: have you met in person yet? That's not clear from your post. If not, please keep in mind that online and phone chemistry do not always translate into real life. So if you haven't met yet, make plans to do so ASAP.

And I have been in one that didn't work out--but that was much more due to the man than the fact that it was LD. I know some that have worked out just fine, including three that started on other boards here on Ivillage!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2006
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 10:44pm

we have in fact not met yet in person. I realize that it is possible to not work after that and am hopeful that is not the case here. He is actually flying up May 31 thru June 4th to take me to my best friends wedding which I am a part of. This will be out first meeting and while it could be a bust if we don't have the face to face chemistry, it's the best that we can do at the moment.

Just a little background info....He and I actually on a whim signed up on relationships.com a Christian dating site b/c we thought it was free. Turns out it is not but he sent me a "smile" anyway which is a free service they provide. Out of sheer hope I searched his information on myspace.com and found him so we have done all of our talking through there and only last night talked for the first time on the phone.

Thank you for all your help on this I truly appreciate it and anyone else who has advice, I'll be checking out the LD board asap.

Steph

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 10:55pm

Oh, gosh, that's a huge risk. Wow. It could totally ruin your experience of your friend's wedding if it doesn't work out. Weddings are stressful enough (when you're in it) without adding that extra stress.

Is there any way you can meet beforehand? I would really try hard to do that.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2006
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 12:23am
no unfortunately there isn't. funds are really restraining us at this point. he will be flying in the thursday before so I will have all of thursday and friday with him before the actual wedding on saturday.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 11:28am

You have to wonder why a man would move hours away to be with a woman he had spoken to for the first time last night and that he has never met. Would you haul your life and family to another town, far from home, to be with a man you've never seen?

I wouldn't put all your eggs in this basket just yet. I would wait until the first, second, third and fourth meeting. There's a BIG difference between meeting someone in person and talking to them online or on the phone. An online "relationship" lends itself to a lot of fantasy to fill in the gaps, where a face-to-face relationship would fill with actual experience. They can be quite deceiving. Not to mention that you've only just begun to talk to this guy on the phone.

The other thing going against you is the distance. Is he 12 hours away by car or by plane? Is he even in the same country?