Long Distance Friendship or is it more?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2012
Long Distance Friendship or is it more?
Sun, 10-28-2012 - 2:46pm

So I met this guy through a program with a professional organization about a year and a half ago.  We had 3 group conference calls and then we all met in person and all of us spent the next 4 days together getting to know each other while at this conference.  The organiztion wanted us to bond with one another for a long term career path we were on.  The idea was that it is lonley at the top and they wanted us to have friends that would be there to support each other.  

Well day one of the conference and I spotted this really cute guy.  We all connected via Linkedin before hand but he was way better looking in person.  So after the keynote opening we were to split into 3 groups that were predermined by the staff of the organization.  Well, he was in my group, so I sat right next to him.:)  

That evening the organization hosted a happy hour with drinks...I didn't talk to him at all.  I got to know other people in the group...all the guys and me and one other girl decided to go to the hotel bar to have more drinks and chat.  BTW, I had only 2 drinks thus far.  Everyone was professional and sober.  Well I had to go to the restroom and arrived at the bar after everyone else sat down and there were no more barstools.  The guy I sat next to that day, got up and offered me his chair.  I accepted and thanked him.  :)  We chatted the rest of the evening.  He asked me personal questions am I married, etc.  I told him I just met him and wouldnt reveal all my secrets to a stranger.  He began touching me and even touched my foot.  Noti in a very sexual way, other than the foot touch. My shoe was half on my foot, you know how your shoe slipps off when your legs are crossed.  So I felt like he was interested in me.  We all left and headed to our rooms, and no we didnt do anything.  

The next day we sat next to each other again, chatted got to know each other.  He gave me his room number, I am guessing so I could call him??  So I called him and told him we were all going to meet in the lobby and have a few drinks.  He said he might come down but wasnt sure.  I felt like he was disappointed that I didnt consider coming up to his room.  I just wasnt going to put myself in that situation.  

So the next day was a repeat.  Hung out a little that evening with the group.  I didn't want to seem to into him so I kept my distance and never sat next to him at breakfast, lunch or dinner, because I got to sit next to him all day durring the classes.  

So I got home to Tennessee and he went home to Montana, yes there is 1,650 miles between us.  :(  I felt that he was a great guy, but in reality it was a no go.  Well as our group began to complete tasks and such, the group director would send emails and ask us to respond.  I responded with my idea and bam I get a 'reply only' to me to my 'reply to all' email from him! :)  He asks how I am doing and thinks my ideas are great.  This happend like 3 times over a 3 month period.  He always initiated the conversation never me.  So I began to think he might be into me.  So that got me interested again.  I friended him on Facebook and he accepted.  

He is always liking my posts.  And commenting on them too.  So we started messaging back and forth about attending another conference.  He said I would like to buy me a few drinks.  I flirted back "only if he could behave."  He said he could make no promises.  So we played a get to know you game (that I play with new guys I am interested in), we had some fun and I got to know him a little better and vice versa.

So I asked him if he had any ideas for a relaxing getaway...he gave me some place in New Mexico and I replied, "I was hoping you would say come to Yellowstone and I will take you on a hike or something.  Is that wrong"  And he replied, "There is nothing wrong with that, I think it would be fun!"  So we made arrangements for me to visit.  He did text me and said that if my goal was to be intimate with him, that would not happen.  It kind of made me think he was not interested and that he only thought of me as friends.  Why else would you make a point to text that when it wasnt even a discussion?  

So I arrived and he met me at the airport, even though I rented a car.  I rented a hotel, because I felt that was the right thing to do.  We went out as planned and I had a few drinks.  We went back to his house to hang out and chat.  He showed me his childrens pictures and we talked about general things.  Then I kissed him...yes I made the move and gave him a awesome kiss right in his kitchen.  I pulled away and looked into his eyes and he said, "waht are you doing?"  and we kissed again.  I said, "I don't know" and we kept kissing.  It was so amazing, so passionate.  He asked if I would be willing to move to Montana and I said no, I asked if he would be willing to move to TN and he said no.  We both have children and are divorced.  Mine are 13 & 6 and his are 7 & 9.  So we can't just up and leave them.  So things got hot.  I decided it was probably best I leave and he walked me to the living room. We continued to kiss, ok by this point make out.  He told me I was beautiful and was rubbing his hands all over me while kissing me.  All this while I am thinking he said he didnt want to be intimate.  So I left.  I hated to, but I did.  He texted me the next morning that he was very sorry for how things transpired the evening before and that he didnt want to lead me on.  The next day we went out with his friends and went back to his place afterward.  I couldn't take anymore, so as soon as we stepped into his living room I began taking his clothes off.  We made love, but I felt awkward so we didnt really finish.  I just kept thinking about what he said.  I stayed the night and the next morning he was really tender and sweet.  Made coffee and then we went on our Yellowstone trip.  He was very sweet, kind, caring, wanting to make sure that I saw everything there was to see at the park.  It was one of the best days of my life.  :)

The next day he introduced me to his kids and we went to a cookout. It was fun, I texted him at the BBQ and asked if I could kiss him again and he said no.  So now I am thinking that we are really friends.  So confused.

So I leave and we stay in contact.  I decided that since we are friends, he will have to give me guy advice.  So we text frequently.  I ask him all my intimate decode my guy questions.  However, he never asks me any women questions.  I have told him that I think he is the perfect man for me.  He meets every standard I have and that I really like him.  I just wished he lived closer.  So he knows how I feel, but I don't know where he stands until this weekend.

I asked him point blank, "If we lived closer would you date me exclusively?"  He replied. "Yes".  OMG!  I now know.  He does like me and he likes me enough to date me exclusively.  So now I am thinking I would so love to have a realatioship with him.  But I threw in the 'if we lived closer" part.  Now I am wondering if he would be willing to have a long distance relatioship with me.  I really really like this guy!  I have decided to stop talking to him about other guys, because that has to be painful if he really does like me.  

Why is it that this great man has to be so far away??? It is pure torture.  Since we met we have gotten to know each other so well.  I posted on my facebook page "Myth" the best relationships are built face to face." and he liked that comment.  I really feel that we have something, I just dont know how to take it to the next level and I fear being rejected.

I want to ask him to come visit me next month because he has an extra day off work and make it a weekend getaway to Gatlinburg.  I fear rejection.  We both make enough money that traveling back and forth at least one time a month would not be a problem at all.  

Lost in love!


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 10-28-2012 - 8:40pm

I think you have to slow down & think about what it is that you want to happen here--both of you have said that you won't move (I assume at least while your kids are at home) so how would this work out?  Would you have a  LDR for 10 yrs?  That seems highly unlikely to be satisfying in the long run--you might make it work for a little while, but then what?  Would you both continue to have to have contact with each other for work?  Wouldn't it be very uncomfortable if you dated & broke it off but still had to have work contact?  Maybe he is just being sensible that he likes you but knows that it wouldn't work out since you live so far apart.  My opinion is that a LDR is only feasible if at some point one of the parties can move.