Long distance-online relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Long distance-online relationship
3
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 12:16pm
Ok, I met a wonderful sweet man online 2 1/2 years ago. I have so much fun hanging out with him online and we play spades together. So, whats the problem right? Well........in April after we had an argument and basically were not talking to each other, he informed me that he was starting a job that was like 3 hrs away from me. While he was there we met. We enjoyed each others company and spent as much time together as possible. The only reason I agreed to meet him was that his position was to only last a month at the most then he would start a year long assignment in the city I live in. His contract ended, the company chose not to renew it and the assignment in my city was no more. He went back to his home which is about 12 hrs from me. He got an assignment even futher away. However, he sent me plane tickets and we spent alot of time together over the summer. Oh yea, did I mention he is married? He is in a quite dysfunctional marriage. I know he doesnt have sex with his wife and lives down stairs as I have spoken with her. The problem now is..........he was offered a job in his home town, which he took, which puts him right back in his home with her. Im so confused because now I wonder if he ever will leave there and if he is happy there except for not having sex. I love him so much and while it is all we can do now, we spend every evening together playing spades are talking on the phone. I feel like our relationship has gone backwards instead of forward and Im scared. I can't even imagine not spending time with him online or the phone but I can't help thinking that may be all I'll ever have now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 3:12pm
He is married, even if it is not going well, he is still married. Have you talked about him getting a divorce? Are you intimate? What do you want from him? Do you want to marry him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 4:42pm
You forgot to include one vital bit of info...why doesn't this wonderful sweet man leave his awful dysfunctional marriage? In general, a person who chooses to remain in a dysfunctional relationship (which is what he is doing) is not exactly emotionally healthy. And only emotionally healthy people are able to develop healthy relationships. If that's what you're seeking, then this is not the man for you.

I have found that if something is not working and 2 people are mature adults who want to be happy, they end it and move on. Even when they don't have something waiting in the wings. Step back and look at this objectively. He is not available to have anything committed with you. If that's what you're seeking, then again, this isn't the man for you. It will be hard to break your "addiction" to him but I feel it would be in your best interest.

Believe it or not, your situation is very, very common. I can't begin to list the number of people I know who have fallen victim to the perfect online romance with someone in an unhappy marriage. How many of them have turned into what they really wanted them to be? Zero.


Edited 7/30/2004 5:30 pm ET ET by zurah

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 6:14pm
You're kidding yourself..2,5 years online with a married man who say he lives at home but separated from his wife and has no sex with her? How do you all it's true? You only know what he's told you online and anyone can be and say anything. You know, you're the other one...