Long Distance Relationship
Find a Conversation
Long Distance Relationship
| Sun, 09-26-2004 - 6:31am |
Okay I'm in a long-distance relationship right now and it's not working at all for me or I'm the only one who seems to feel that way. I think if you were to ask my boyfriend he'd say everything was great so maybe I'm the only one feeling this way. The thing is he's in the Army and he's stationed overseas and we were friend's first when we first met because neither of us really wanted long distance because we both had been there before and felt it was too hard but we both finally decided we didn't care we wanted to be together. Well that was almost five months ago and he says he loves me and misses me and thinks of me all the time and he will be out of the Army in a year and he asked me if I'd want to move in with him when that happens of course I said yes. The whole problem is lately he has been making NO effort for our relationship he only talks to me like twice a week, he never calls, and never makes time for me. I've asked him calmly and nicely if he had met someone else and I said I'd be sad if you had but I'd rather you be honest then lie to me and he said no I haven't met anyone else. I'm not sure if I should believe him or not he tells me everytime we talk he loves me and misses me and thinks of me all the time so I feel like his heart is in it but he just doesn't want to make the commitment. I don't want to breakup with him but at the same time I'm getting sick of coming second to his work. I have confronted him several times (nicely) demanding to know why he doesn't call as much anymore and everything he says it's just work. So the other night we had a small fight and I said how come you don't make time for me and he said something to the point of well I'm sorry you feel neglected but you have to realize the army is going to own my life for the next year and I'm just working more hours at which I said I understand and I trust him and he said that's good I love you and I trust you too. I mean I tell him I feel hurt and neglected he doesn't make more effort and all he says is I'm sorry and I love you. He pisses me off so much because he says oh I tried to call or I was going to call and at first I was patient and I said I understand but now I want to be like yeah maybe you tried maybe you were going to but the point is you didn't call. I feel like at this point I'm the only one makeing any effort I buy phone cards to call him, I send e-mails, and several offline messages and he sits back and does nothing. I've put up with a lot of this since we got together. He has a psycho ex-wife who in the beginning had the nerve to break into my inbox and then yell at him for e-mails he sent me I mean I can't even save e-mails he sends me because she might see them and get all upset and he'll get pissed at me. In the beginning when this first happened he actually defended her until I said I'm your girlfriend defend me not here so ever since then he defends me and not her. She had the nerve to actually send me a message she found his screen name because she broke into his account and messaged me and yet he still defended her if someone broke into my account I'd be pissed and would not defend them. I've been very understanding of him working a lot he has a 1 year old son so I know he has to pay child support so I have been understand but I have been very patient and I'm just beginning to wonder when enough is enough. This has nothing to do with his son in fact it doesn't bother me at all that he has a child I love kids I am just getting really sick of coming after his work I can completely understand his son coming first but I can't understand why he puts his work before me. He honestly never considers my feelings and I get so sick of it and I want to yell and bitch at him but I know men hate that so I take the explaning how I feel approach instead of bitching at him and he seems to understand when I say that but then yet he never makes more time for me. I Mean I want to be like either you make more time for me it's over but I heard men hate ultimatums so I don't want to give him one. I mean other then bitching is there any other way I can get my point across and make him make more effort without sounding like a bitch. I know he's get's frustrated too me always telling him and I hate sounding like a nag cause I know men hate that. The thing is he took leave a month ago to spend with his son and before he went on leave and he used to call me every single day several times a day he hasn't called me since Aug 30th and only talks to me like once a week online and says he loves me honestly I'm getting so sick of this drama do you think it's time to say either you pay more attention to me or I'm leaving you? I love him more then anything and I know he loves me he tells me all the time but lately he just is putting his work before me and I've asked him several times if he's seeing someone he continues to insist he isn't but I mean when is enough enough? Am I wrong for thinking I should be more important then his job and his work and he should consider my feelings? He's apologizes for neglecting me and tells me he loves but that's just he apologizes but NEVER does anything about and I'm thisclose to breaking up with him I'm so fed up
Signatures On
| Sun, 09-26-2004 - 12:06pm |
I don't see why you spend time agonising over something that is not worth agonising over. It's easy to be done with all the worrying and heart ache by simply ending the relationship. Why complicate your life on purpose. Clearly you need someone for whom you are the most important thing in life, clearly he hasn't gotten the emotional stamina to be able to do that. The only way you'll be happy is if you break up with him. That's my advice! Move on and stop worrying. Imagine all the annoyances you'll be leaving behind if you break up with him. Love is not just saying "I love you", it's also doing things that prove it. I would say his "I love you"s are worthless. Find someone who will be able to appreciate you more than that. :)
