Long distance relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
Long distance relationship
18
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 7:07am
I met someone on an online dating service, 5 days ago. We found that we have a lot in common, such as morals, education etc. We have a connection that that is different from any I've had before. He's easy to talk to and he's a good listener. He lives in OR and I live in GA. I've never done this before. We want to meet. Who should make the first step? How do we keep the relationship going when we don't see each other?

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 4:41pm
You're right, I got a little off-topic...I was talking more about online dating generally.

We'll just have to agree to disagree...I would not want to invest all that time and energy in talking online before meeting someone, only to have it fizzle when you finally do. But everyone has to do what they are comfortable with.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 5:36pm
It's ok, we all get a little "off topic" once in a while, especially when we feel strongly about an issue. If I came as defensive, it was not intentional. I don't think we completely disagree about the issue. We both have strong feelings about it. I think each situation has to be handled differently. All we can do if talk about our experiences and let others decide for themselves. Sometimes LDR work and sometimes they don't. All situations need to be handled individually. What worked for me, won't necessarily work for others. And, what you've found to work, won't necessarily work for others either. We both have unique experienes and I think people can learn from them and choose for themselves. Thanks for your continued responses.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 8:13pm
I agree wholeheartedly that you should come across and check out the LDR board. You'll find sound advice from people who are or have done it.

I met my current boyfriend and my last (who was international LDR) on line. Relationships, local and LDR, will only work if both people are committed to them. LDR have extra issues associated with them and these should be taken into consideration before deciding to get involved in one. Plenty of LDRs work, some don't.

My current bf is local and we met within a week of the initial contact - but we'd spent a lot of time on line prior to that. But local is way easier. You can meet for coffee and if things don't 'fit', you say thanks and leave.

I do agree that 5 days is a little early to be considering a LD visit. However, if things continue the way they have been for you and you still have that feeling of connection in a couple of months, I would consider going then. Who goes to see whom is not really relevant - it's about who has the means at the time, IMO.

There are risks and these need to be taken into consideration, so you should always stay at a hotel, have someone you know able to contact you at all times (know your itinerary) and just use plain old common sense like you would when meeting a stranger (coz fundamentally, that's what you're doing).

Good luck.

Eve

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 6:47am
Thank you for your response. I appreciate it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 6:54am
Thanks Wendie. He was the first one that expressed interest in meeting me. We haven't talked about it at length, but there's a possible Labore Day Weekend set for him to come. And he has some family here in GA, so he will stay with them. We'll talk about it more this weekend. I'll keep you posted. Thanks again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 10:34am
Hello

I know you want to meet this fabulous find right away but it's only been 5 days, you know nothing about each other. Take it slow and certainly don't uproot yourself by volunteering to run off and visit a perfect stranger.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 2:51pm
Thank you for your good advice. I will consider it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 3:54pm
Hello saffinno!
Welcome to Ask the Dating Doyenne!!

I can echo everyone's ideas here... and, I can tell you that you have to invest the time in getting to know someone truly well to prevent disappointment when you meet... I have met ones in person who just weren't what they appeared to be online...

 

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