Long story, about an ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Long story, about an ex
2
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 8:11pm

Hello! I have a question. I haven't had the best luck of dating, my last lt relationship was 4 years and ended last April. He was a jerk and I had to work hard to get his name out of my head, but I realize I never really loved him or anything I was just there, you know?

Then I met a great guy back in July, and I never had so much fun with a man EVER! We talked on the phone alot, to dinners, shared the same interests and hobbies. Never been with someone mentally or physically like him.

The problem we both have, is we are in completely different stages of our lives right now. I'm 24 and a full time college student looking to push my limits to graduate next December. He has a successful, sometimes terribly busy career, is 34, with an ex-wife, and 14 and 12 year old boys. I am a woman who sees herself as never having kids, yet I have never had a problem dating someone with kids, and everyone in their life is going to have a past.

Back when we met it was still summer and our lives weren't so busy. In August, he wanted me to be exclusively his girlfriend, I was reluctant and gave him an answer after I thought about it I told him yes. So he became my boyfriend. Then in early October he became distant with me about calling. He said he just didn't have time in his life for a relationship right now and couldn't be tied down right now. I said thats fine, my semester was going really bad anyway and I didn't really have time either.

The problem is I don't think either one of us is over each other. Last week he dropped by to pick up a disk he left at my house that has been sitting here for a couple of weeks, and we talk online with many times him initiating the discussion. Its like we are playing a game just to keep in contact somehow with each other. I can't shake this feeling that we may get back together someday, just not anytime soon, but I don't know if I should cut off all contact with him, or keep it the way it is now. I tried to delete him from my IM, but forgot to block him and he ended up sending a message after a while and when he stopped over last week he said he would call me when he had some free time on a weekend.

I don't have time for a boyfriend, but a girl needs some action every once in a while and I met someone last Friday and ended up turning him down before it went to far. Because of the one I can't get out of my mind now. Am I crazy>??? Thanks for your advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 10:31am
Why not have a talk with him and tell him how you're feeling? Since you're apparently on a break from the relationship anyway, tell him that you're planning on dating other people. If he has time for you at some point and you're free, then perhaps you can start over at that time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 1:50pm

If I were you, I'd stay "nice" with him, but otherwise cut him off. Dont initiate conversation with him. He's trying to keep you at arms length so that when he wants you, he can have you -- with no strings attached (commitment). That's disrespectful on your part and until he can give you his all, dont do it for him either.

As for his kids, keep in mind that he will always have them whether you like it or not. You'll have to accept him for his everything -- just bear that in mind while addressing the issue at hand.

good luck..