looking for advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2008
looking for advice
17
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 5:09pm
My girlfriend and I had been together going on three years until today when I ended it. The issue is something that we have dealt with twice before in the past....Her guy friends...She can be quite a bit naive at times and recently she had become friendly with another guy at work. I don't have the slightest worry of her cheating on me, but there never seems to be any boundaries set for her and these guys. Specifically for the last month she txt messages back and forth with this guy enough times a day that she fills up her inbox, and their conversations are borderline flirtatious. example yesterday she had a fender bender in her car. She calls me first of course so I come running to the rescue, only to find that a min after she called me, she had sent a txt to this guy and he's asking if he needs to come down there...afterwards she's complaining of her neck hurting and I find out that he has offered to purchase her a massage. He also bought her a box of chocolates on valentines day! claiming it was best friend candy. Even though I was the one to help her out after the accident, I massaged her neck after the wreck, and I went all out on Valentines day. She's eating up attention from this guy. Oh yea one other important part..The guy is married! The last straw was today when she calls me at work to tell me that she's meeting him for breakfast at ihop this morning. Of course when I let her know that I wasn't too excited about that, she flew off the handle and told me that I was being ridiculous and controlling. There was a heated argument which led to me finally saying that I didn't want to keep her from her friends so leave me alone. am I justified or just jealous?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 6:19pm
You are totally justified in feeling the way you feel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2008
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 6:55pm
thank you for the advice...It really makes me feel better about my decision. I've got a long road for recovery ahead because we live together and I love her so much. She is not willing to give at all and is content to think that I have a problem, so I guess I've gotta move on. After all I don't think I'm such a bad catch so It's her loss! Thanks again!! oh and btw I'm new around here so I didn't realize until after I started the thread that this forum is targeted for women...lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 7:32pm

Hi Morero8,


Welcome to the board.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 12:19am

All my friends are male basically and sometimes we're really flirty but it's innocent and fun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 6:30pm

 Z

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2008
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 7:26pm

Yea, I would not have had

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2008
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 8:05pm

That's a really good question, and I do have to say that their were no clear boundaries with friendships before this happened...There

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 8:59pm

Hi there! : )

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 11:21pm

"if you meet a guy and you think that you two would end up being really good friends, at that point would the first thing you do be to make a significant effort for him to meet your boyfriend also?"

I know this question wasn't directed towards me, but I wanted to answer anyway. I'm a woman, and yes, if I met a new guy who I thought I would be friends with, I would definitely make an effort for him to meet my boyfriend. It might not necessarily be the first thing I would do, but it would be right up there... my motive would be a combination of wanting to make sure my boyfriend didn't feel threatened and to make sure that the new guy realized he was going to remain "just a friend."

For what it's worth, I think you were justified in your actions. That being said, I do have lots of male friends and I'm very close to a few of them and me remaining friends with them is non-negotiable, whether a boyfriend likes it or not. But, these are cases where the guys and I have been friends for YEARS, and they don't offer me massages or give me candy on Valentine's Day (well, technically one did, but it was from him and his wife when I didn't have a Valentine a couple of years ago... but I digress...)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
Fri, 02-29-2008 - 2:32pm

Now to me, if you've made yourself clear as to what 'boundaries' are unacceptable, and she doesn't think that they're unacceptable... that's fine. She's not respecting your boundaries and there are major TRUST and RESPECT issues going on.


 Z

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