Looking into past patterns

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Looking into past patterns
14
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 2:01pm

I really need to figure out why I keep getting crushes on men who just don't like me back.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 2:38pm

Hi Stacey!

Pianoguy hates to use an old C&W song quote, but it seems like you're "looking for love in all the wrong places?"

Perhaps some of the men from your past have been too demanding, wishy-washy or didn't feel there was any sort of "chemistry" present?

If you HONESTLY feel that the crushes you had were 'with guys who were bad news'---maybe you should set your standards a little higher...by "looking for love" in places you've never thought about?

If you're approaching every man you date as 'a potential life partner'...maybe that's where the problem is?

Here's an idea...

Suppose you had a bunch of terrific "different apples" to choose from ALL AT THE SAME TIME? Wouldn't the variety of flavors be more interesting?

And...you could also figure out which ones.......err.......'taste better?'

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 3:09pm

"Suppose you had a bunch of terrific "different apples" to choose from ALL AT THE SAME TIME? Wouldn't the variety of flavors be more interesting? "


Absolutely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 3:18pm

Let's talk about your "crushes". Perhaps you are approaching men in a way that can be improved. I will assume that you meet a man, you find him interesting, you imagine what it would be like to date him, you plot, you plan and eventually you find out a) he's not interested b) he's a dud.

Now let's look at the way I do things (not that my approach is any better but it is different) I meet a man, I find him interesting, I introduce myself, I ask lots and lots of questions about his background, I make a decision whether he is right for me. If the man is okay then I ask to spend more time with him, THEN I develop a crush.

Let's look at the good news, you are recognizing the bad apples before you get knee deep involved and I think that is a really really good thing. I also agree with pianoman, I am going to sound like a broken record here because I have told you before, bars are not a good place to meet men. I know you love your country line dancing but bars a magnet for nogoodniks, alcoholics, cheaters and losers, but they are great places for country line dancing so I am not going to tell you to give your hobby up.

My hobby is hiking, I can guarantee that if you join a hiking group you will available employed men who are solid citizens that will, in a polite way, swarm over you like bees to honey. So much so you will find it annoying. If you want attention, join the Sierra Club chapter in your area. An 8 hour hike is a great place to play 20 questions at your leisure.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 3:50pm

I agree with much of your post--I think that's a very smart approach.

However, my experience with going on a singles hike with a group here in Seattle that's similar to the Sierra Club was NOT a good one, at least if you wanted to meet guys to date, which I did ;-). The group of 12 had 8 women, 4 men, and of the 4 guys, 2 were just plain odd and 2 were just plain boring. I had a great time talking with the other women, though, they were all fun, interesting people ;-). And I was told by women who had been on other hikes that this was pretty much par for the course. I guess maybe more women in Seattle like to hike than in your area, LOL!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 3:57pm

No, no, no, no NOT the singles hike.

You want to go on one of the regular hikes, for people who like to hike. Singles clubs are often top-heavy with women and weirdos.

Seattle is an anomoly though. I've heard some Seattle hiking horror stories from a friend of mine who used to live up there and he is a really good hiker....something about hike leaders that demand everyone bring 10 mandatory hiking items, I think they have a list...like a compass, whistle, emergency blanket, headlamp, map, telephone and other strange pieces of gear.

Us eastcoasters think we are ahead of the game if we have water and clothes with us.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 4:04pm

Ah, ok, silly me, I just assumed that the NON-singles hikes would have only married and coupled folks on them, ha! Because if you were a single guy looking to meet women, wouldn't you go on the singles hikes that the club offered (this particular club offers both--it's not a singles club per se)? But I guess that's too logical ;-)!

And yes, you gotta have the 10 essentials to go on these hikes, LOL!!! I still have my water proof matches and whistle (that I bought just to go on that hike) somewhere in my day pack.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 4:05pm

That's a good idea, seeing as I enjoy being outdoors and having scenic places (such as the kind of scenery that would be along a hike) to take photos.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 4:14pm

I think you might be boxing yourself in because you don't have a car. When I lead hikes I often deal with people who don't have cars. Transportation can always be arranged for those without cars, and the car pool meet-up areas are usually at the end of public transportation lines.

In my area there are also biking clubs, sea kayaking clubs, canoe clubs, whitewater clubs, rock climbing clubs, geocaching clubs, backpacking clubs. So many opportunities its ridiculous.

You might have more man-meeting opportunities available than you think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 4:17pm
Hehehe...people have told me that volunteering was another way I could meet men...only thing is, every time I've volunteered, the other volunteers were always women or men who were a lot older than me (we're talking 20-25 years older than me, not just 10-12 years).
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 4:29pm

I think men feel that their involvement with anything labeled "singles" means they are desperate. Look for hikes that are in the 6+ mile range, you always get a bunch of available men on them and I hear constant complaining from single men they aren't meeting datable women. IMHO, the best hiking club on the planet for meeting great good-looking single available datable personable men that are in my age group is in Pittsburgh. When we have competitions I am always impressed at what shows up from that club in Western PA. I'm half tempted to move there.

Oh, and never in my 30 year hiking career have I ever needed waterproof matches or a whistle.

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